Thursday Joke

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The Navy found they had too many officers and decided to offer an early retirement bonus. They promised any officer who volunteered for retirement,
a bonus of $1,000 for every inch measured in a straight line between any two points on his body. The officer got to choose what those two points would be.

The first officer who accepted asked that he be measured from the top of his head to the tip of his toes. He was measured at six feet and walked out with a bonus of $72,000.

The second officer who accepted was a little smarter and asked to be measured from the tip of his outstretched hands to his toes. He walked out with $96,000.

The third one was a non-commissioned officer, a grizzly old Chief who, when asked where he would like to be measured replied, "From the tip of my
Weenie to my testicles."

It was suggested by the pension man that he might want to reconsider, explaining about the nice big checks the previous two officers had received. But the old Chief insisted and they decided to go along with him, providing the measurement was taken by a medical officer.

The medical officer arrived and instructed the Chief to "drop 'em," which he did. The medical officer placed the tape measure on the tip of the Chief's weenie and began to work back.

"Dear Lord!" he suddenly exclaimed, "Where are your

The old Chief calmly replied, "Vietnam."


Nice! But on second thoughts I think I would have preferred to have been one of the first two!


OK it's still Friday so:

My wife bought me a book for my birthday. I can't put it down, it's called "glue and it's uses"

Keith Oates

Penarth, Wales
How about this one for a smile:

A young couple drove several miles down a country road, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument, and neither wanted to concede their position.

As they passed a barnyard of mules and pigs, the husband sarcastically asked, "Are they relatives of yours?"

"Yes," his wife replied. "I married into the family."
Reminds me of the old train trip from Pompey on a Friday night..........

Group of Officers buy tickets and wait on the platform, but note that the Chiefs only buy a single ticket for the group.

They board the train, and set off.

As the ticket collector closes in, all the Chiefs pile into the Heads (Loo) and when the collector passes give him the single ticket.

The Officers are greatly impressed by this and the following week buy a single ticket between them.

The Chiefs don't buy one.

As the Ticket collector approaches, off go the Officers into the Heads as they had seen the Chiefs do the previous week.

The Senior Chief then gets up, walks to the door of the Heads, knocks and says........

"Tickets Please"..............................
Or a young couple book into a Hotel.

The receptionist asks the blushing girl...."Bridal Suite?"

She replies.........

"No thanks - I'll hang on to his ears!"
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