If Chris Rea has more one more toes than he has fingers, more fingers on his left hand than on his right, fewer toes on his right foot than fingers on his left hand, more toes on his right foot than on his left, fewer fingers on his left hand than toes on his right foot ... how tall is he?
But Chris Rea's father Andy Capp and his mother Flo were happily married for many years, so the term "love child" seems odd, unless you are suggesting that Chris Rea was born before his parents' marriage?
Chris Rea is a dedicated conservationist. The grounds of his Northumberland mansion contain rare species of animals from round the world.
He is also the world's leading expert and captive breeder of the critically endangered striped silverback dung beetle. A species which has largely lost its native habitat in the cloud forests of Xanadu.
Chris Rea was banned from Facebook for his believe that sacrificing virgins was a cure for diarrhea. As a result there are no no virgins to be found anywhere in the world within 1.2 miles of a kebab shop.
In 1991 Chris Rea and Bob Holness were arrested for affray when their long running feud erupted in violence during filming of an episode of the children's TV program Blue Peter.
Chris Rea has appeared on Top of the Pops fifteen times but only twice as a performer. The other times he was part of the awkwardly dancing audience, hoping to get lucky.
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