True Facts About Chris Rea

[Drago]

Following a breakdown the TURDIS crashed into the sea.

A few days later it washed up on a beach in Cornwall, where the locals were dismayed to find it contained a Chris Rea and not whisky or BMW motorbikes.

 

[raleighnut]

Bmw have been trying to buy the technology that powers the TURDIS so that their customers can dispense with all this indicating and braking crap and arrive before they set off.

 

[grldtnr]

Chris Rea never appeared on 'Shooting Stars' , with Vic Reeves & Bob Mortimer.
The reason is the duo could never find true facts about Chris Rea in the True or False round of the 'Quiz'.....

 

[grldtnr]

Chris Rea was heavily involved in the Whiskey Galore ! Incident, whilst it's a true happening about the stranding of the SS Politician,, it's shrouded in mystery as to why Rea was attempting to salvage the whiskey as he is a closet member of the Salvation Army , and teetotal.....
Maybe he was doing it for the benefit of the Islanders of Eriskay, the fictional island's Great & Little Today is obviously a play on words,but being a member of the Temperance movement,its stands to reason that it was at odds with the movement.
Some say it was to rescue other luxury goods that went down with the ship, letting the islanders have a dram or two facilitated that.

Is that true ,or is it false?

 

[DRM]

Nobody here has suspicious minds about Reas' involvement on the Great Cheese heist, but the Time Transit is the perfect vehicle to luggage of a load of cheese...... Just saying.....

It seems that cheese mongers all over North East England from Northumberland down to Yorkshire have been mysteriously re supplied with a selection of cheeses, there may have been some left, as a new brand of ready microwave meals are set to be announced, Rea’s Ready Meals, a true taste of Teesside, are nearly ready to introduce their Parmo & Cheesy Chips, ready in minutes, only 6,800 calories per pack, soon to be available in all good supermarkets

 

[grldtnr]

So ....rumours may be true! Chris Rea is an international cheese wrangler ( thief, that is )
Curiouser and curiouser ,Chris Rea international man of mystery!

 

[Drago]

Clive Cussler, a good friend of Chris Rea, wrote Raise The TURDIS in 1976.

He sold the film rights and Rea was set to star, but the studio moguls decided that US audiences would find Rea's accent incomprehensible. The script was quickly rewritten, conveniently changing just enough that neither Cussler nor Rea received any royalties.

 

[DRM]

It would seem that The Turdis has wreaked havoc in Russia on Tuesday, as due to a glitch in the Geolocation circuitry, and several backfires, instead of materialising at the Teesport time travel megabase, it appeared in the sky over a Russian Vodka distillery , the auberge field explosion destroyed the distillery, and the pressure wave sent the Turdis to another 3 distilleries in quick succession blowing those up as well, on the fifth go it got back home, Putin is said to be shaking with rage, whilst Zelenskyy nearly wet himself laughing, this could be an indication that Chris is reprising his role that drove Hitler to insanity, on to Putin now, The Ukraine Army were pleased to claim the damage, as done by them

 

[stephec]

Chris Rea can eat three shredded wheat.

 

[grldtnr]

Chris Rea can eat three shredded wheat.

In one sitting? Ohoooo, someone's telling porkies.....

 

[craigwend]

Chris Rea is officially twinned with the village of Wetwang a Yorkshire Wolds village and civil parishin the East Riding of Yorkshire, England, 6 miles (10 kilometres) west of Driffield on the A166 road. This involves the yearly cultural exchange visit to Wetwang on the Eve of ChrisRea Mass, allegedly the basis for that song...

 

[grldtnr]

Chris claims he is the fastest man sprinting the 100 yard dash( he doesn't recognise metric system) even if he is wearing custard filled wellies he can outsprint Usain Bolt, which if true is quite the achievement

 

[Drago]

The FAA have banned Chris Rea and the TURDIS from US airspace until after the election, as the intense Auberge field has already ignited several boxes of ballot papers and caused several more to fall from the van and end up scattered in the road.

As an aside Rea is not endorsing either candidate as neither has bought one of his records. Although Trump claimed to have once heard a Chris Rea song being played in a lift he was later to issue punitive sanctions against it.

 

[grldtnr]

Chris claims he is the fastest man sprinting the 100 yard dash( he doesn't recognise metric system) even if he is wearing custard filled wellies he can outsprint Usain Bolt, which if true is quite the achievement

It's come to light, that Chris has been banned from all European Athletic meets due to his claims and admission of using illegal substances and equipment......namely custard filled wellies.
He is considering having a fling with blamaonge , but in what capacity is unknown, could be Discus or shot put, he is already a champion Flan flinger, so seems he isn't ready to desert his athletic prowess in the field of after dinner sports.
...
He will keep on Puddin' in the effort, no matter what the authorities do.

 

[PeteXXX]

Chris Rea has never had a Walnut Whip.