True Facts About Chris Rea

[Moon bunny]

Chris Rea uses a Richard Madeley doll as bait when shark fishing.

Chris Rea is training his flying shark to attack anyone over 6’2” and well built, before releasing it in Poshire.

 

[Drago]

Chris Rea is once again in trouble with the planners at Middlesborough council after taking the topiary art to new heights when he trimmed his garden hedge into a giant middle finger aimed at Richard Madeley's holiday cottage.

 

[Evil_Breakfast]

One of Chris Rea's hobbies is primatology and, whilst on safari, managed to capture the following footage on HandyCam.

 

[Drago]

On dustbin day Chris Rea sneaks out the night before and puts food scraps in Richard Madeley's recycling bin so the dusties won't take it.

This annoys Madeley intensely, although Judy has been scoffing the scraps when he isn't looking.

 

[DRM]

Recently declassified documents show that Chris Rea is responsible, for what is arguably one of the most famous electric guitar riffs ever recorded, one that has had people thrown out of guitar shops for playing it, it all stems from a Turdis visit to the Montreaux Casino, 1971 to see Frank Zappa & The Mothers of Invention play their final show, unfortunately the Turdis was late getting there, & then a large auberge field explosion set fire to the casino, luckily Funky Claude Nobs, director of the Montreaux Jazz Festival helped rescue some of the audience, Chris Rea quickly blamed someone firing a flare gun, so Deep Purple wrote Smoke on The Water, with that famous riff,& once more, Chris Rea got away with another disaster

 

[DRM]

Chris Rea has been going back to 1789 Paris, to deliver food to starving French Peasants, the majority being cake that’s on it’s sell by date, he acquires from supermarkets, unfortunately this brought about the French Revolution, when Marie Antoinette was told about the starving peasants not having any bread, she actually said “Monsieur Rea let’s them eat cake“ however this got quoted out of context to “Let them eat cake” which eventually brought down the French Monarchy, and created the Republic of France.
18th Century France is now a no go area for Chris Rea & the Turdis

 

[Drago]

The song Stairway to Heaven is a tribute to the new steps Chris Rea had installed on the Turdis, thus making access easier for Jimmy Page whomwas perpetually stoned at the time.

 

[Drago]

Chris Rea isnsupporting a campaign to rename a Marathon, ie, the 26 mile running event, as a Snickers.

He claims his new seat on the board of Mars Confectionery Inc. Is nothing more than mere coincidence.

 

[lazybloke]

Chris Rea isnsupporting a campaign to rename a Marathon, ie, the 26 mile running event, as a Snickers.

He claims his new seat on the board of Mars Confectionery Inc. Is nothing more than mere coincidence.

Chris Rea just beat the world record running that most brutal of endurance races, the Snickers des Sables.

Amazingly he maintained a speed that would trouble Usain Bolt; so scholars set about examining data from his gps tracker to understand more about his exceptional physical condition.

Sadly the gps data was corrupt, somehow showing that CR went straight into the portloo enclosure in the first half hour of the race and seemingly emerged at another enclosure near the finishing line only 2 minutes later.

Brushing off accusations of cheating, CR blamed Russian jamming of GPS signals for the apparent anomaly.

 

[Drago]

Chris Rea reached the finals of Mr Olympia 1970 and would have won if Arnold Schwarzenegger had not sneakily replaced Rea's posing pounch with one three sizes to small. The testicle poking out the edge was an instant disqualification.

 

[Drago]

Chris Rea was stripped of five TdF titles following revelations that he'd been doping.

Rea vehemently denied this, before accidentally adding that crack cocaine sometimes shows up as a banned performance enhancing drug.

 

[Dogtrousers]

Chris Rea is furious about the rumour that Bob Holness played the saxaphone on Gerry Rafferty's Baker Street. He spent ages trying to spread a rumour that he himself played sax on that track but everyone who heard it found it too ludicrous to believe.

 

[Drago]

Chris Rea was the first contestant to say "penis" on Blockbusters.

 

[Way-Out-West]

Tired of his sticky pink beard, Chris Rea sold off his entire collection of vintage fairground candy floss machines.

 

[Dogtrousers]

Chris Rea was the first contestant to say "penis" on Blockbusters.

He tried the same thing on Countdown but was foiled by Carol Vorderman as she recalled in an interview:: "Chris Rea was such a wag. He kept trying to say a particular rude word in my segment of the show, but I had access to the sound controls and disconnected his microphone. Yes, Chris Rea was always trying to slip his penis into my slot, but I just cut it off." She recalled.