Uncle Drago's agony column

[NorthernDave]

What was the best thing before sliced bread?

 

[LeetleGreyCells]

Which came first? The chicken or the egg?

 

[classic33]

Dear Auntie Drago

How long is an actual piece of string? Seriously, this needs answering!

Research in America has answered that,

Any longer than 25% of its origional length and it ceases to be a "piece of string".

 

[Drago]

What was the best thing before sliced bread?

The potato.

Which came first? The chicken or the egg?

The rooster.

 

[gavroche]

How can you make an omelette without breaking any eggs?

 

[tyred]

Dear Uncle Drago,

I've burned my oven chips due to a badly timed phonecall from my mum. What should I do?

 

[roadrash]

change your number and don't tell her, that way it wont happen again

 

[Drago]

Dear Uncle Drago,

I've burned my oven chips due to a badly timed phonecall from my mum. What should I do?

Invite her round for tea, and out of politeness she will have to scoff the lot.

 

[tyred]

Every time I was my car, a bird shoots on the bonnet. How can I prevent this from happening?

 

[welsh dragon]

Every time I was my car, a bird shoots on the bonnet. How can I prevent this from happening?

This could end in tears.

 

[Ming the Merciless]

Every time I was my car, a bird shoots on the bonnet. How can I prevent this from happening?

Take the gun away from the bird.

 

[roadrash]

Every time I was my car, a bird shoots on the bonnet. How can I prevent this from happening?

That's easy …. don't take her out on the day you wash the car

 

[perplexed]

Yesterday I heard a man in a pub say to the barmaid 'I think my Guinness is off'.

My question is two fold.

1) Are we still ok to say 'barmaid'?

2) It's Guinness, how can anyone possibly tell if it's off?

 

[Drago]

Yesterday I heard a man in a pub say to the barmaid 'I think my Guiness is off'.

My question is two fold.

1) Are we still ok to say 'barmaid'?

2) It's Guiness, how can anyone possibly tell if it's off?

If it's a chick, then its ok to call them barmaid. Even the old ones.

It must be a ruse buy the chap you were observing, because there's no such thing as a bad Guinness.

 

[woodbutcher]

Stone the crows.....my fingers smell of fish , thanks be to whatever , l've been scoffing bbq'd sardines !