Dear Woman up the road
I am sorry but I take much exception to your letter. It is deeply concerning and I will have to report you for destroying the unique biological culture living in Uncle Drago's Y fronts, having resided there for years without disturbance and only sporadic human interference.
It is also flawed - hitting Uncle Drago on the head, no matter how many times, will have no effect whatsoever. I can only presume that the fumes from the Jeyes Fluid would have rendered him senseless, with a delay that even Dickens would be proud of.
I think the Yugo is highly susceptible to being stolen in that location it really should be sold as an exquisite, unique example of one of the last pieces of Eastern European engineering of that era, only superseded by the Zastava Polonez. No other mechanical device in human history has received such little attention. Perhaps you should have stuck a Porgo badge on it to complete this wonderful east/west fusion. For that I congratulate you.
Slip a bottle of Ketchup into the coal bunker so at least the coal is edible. This will give me time to think of a solution.
Though I do have the semblance of an idea involving a very long piece of string tied to the coal bunker door so that you could be miles away when you pull it up to release him and he won't know what happened. At this point I thought that the Yugo would have been handy but tying a piece of string to it would favour the coal bunker door more than the Yugo and would probably write it off, so that idea I put to bed rather quickly.
All is not lost. Borrow Aubrey's bike and find some string - fast. He will be more than happy to help but do not let him think that he is on your good books as I don't think his intentions are honourable.
Let me know how you get on.
Yours
Anon.
