Dear Uncle Drago,
I have had a rather bizarre and unlikely accident. I was just out in my favourite New Holland combine when some idiot on a pink loop framed bicycle catapulted over the hedge and landed right in front of me.
Unfortunately, I was unable to stop in time. Do you have any suggestions for removing blood from a combine harvester?
On a more serious note, I recognised the bike as belonging to that woman up the road. She had said it had been stolen. Her Raleigh was her pride and joy. I had said I'd help yo recover it for her. Unfortunately, it got run over in the accident and is now somewhat flat. How can I break the news that her beloved Raleigh is no more? I'm worried she might blame me for it and scupper any chance of getting my leg over for the foreseeable future.
The good news is that they have found my missing Yugo. Some blackguard had taken it and driven it until it ran out of petrol. They left their flat cap on the passenger seat so I'm sure I will be able to track them down.
Yours faithfully,
Aubrey
