Uncle Drago's agony column

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Pinno718

Über Member
Location
Way out West
Dear Unkal Tony Drago

Re.: Snookered

I find this all deeply concerning. If you scroll back only a few pages, you will see that gentleman stalkers like us up and down and across the land (and water) are having to do flips and twists to get a date. I mean, how many men must suffer road and scrotum rash, testicular disengagement, p40 cabinet paper, paraffin and wire brushes just to get some romance?
Are we in the era of prohibitive feminism?
Why are these woman folk so hard to please?
Why doesn't a Yugo snap knicker elastic at 500 yards like they used to?
Do I need to change gender?

So many questions, so little Prozac or Beta Blockers left. So many boxes of Viagra gathering dust.
So many flowers wilting.

I'm going to book myself into the Blue Hotel on the boulevard lonely where once it was a love highway with no red or amber - it was green all the way, cruising in an open top Yugo on a beautiful summer evening in Dagenham, the delicate aroma of a fresh coat of Hammarite and burning engine oil, a 6000watt stereo with pre amp, quad core 16 speaker system and graphic equalizer Every vessel and every bolt rivet quivering and vibrating to the sound of Barry White at full blast, the sheer anticipation of a mad, passionate she woman getting shipwrecked on your rock of love in a layby just off the A13 . The wind in the hair (I used to have) and the permanent Wigwam in the trousers...

Oh the memories. I can feel the tear of reminiscence welling up.

You remember those days, don't you? Will you offer a solution? Is there an end to the loneliness?

Yours
The disillusioned.
 
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Drago

Drago

Legendary Member
Dear Dizzy Gillespie,

I wellr emember those days. I will offer a solution, and there is an end to your lonliness.

What you need is a goodly helping of crack cocaine and a blow-up doll with a picture of Thora Hird's face attached.

No need top thank me.
 
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