was i too easy on him?

[alecstilleyedye]

my eldest son (13) showed enough interest in cycling last year that he joined the club and we bought him his own bike (a ribble prime; nice frame with slightly agricultural shimano claris groupset).

we've done some longish rides at around the 20kph mark, and he's done some of the easier club rides too.

we got up this morning to do this ride (one of the club's monument rides), and while i expected us to not do the full distance (it's full of nasty little climbs), he only managed 20km out of a possible 70.

i didn't berate him, to the contrary i pointed out that i'd had plenty of days where i couldn't go the distance on a ride, and that climbing legs are the first things to go if you don't ride often enough. the last thing i wanted was to put him off for good. i may well have to sacrifice the saturday club run to take him out for an hour or so to build up.

thing is, he'll sit for hours on his playstation; should i have just dragged him round and quoted rule 5?

 

[Pale Rider]

Maybe the thought of 70+ km put him off, so he was beaten before he started.

Try talking to him in miles, 42 sounds a much better number than 70 when you have to cycle it.

 

[ianrauk]

If you drag him out he will only resent you for it and probably not want to cycle with you in the future. he's getting to the age where he won't want to do a lot with his Dad as it's not to be seen to be cool or in his mind, even boring. He want's to interact more with his friends. There's nothing wrong with him wanting to play playstation for hours. It's what kids do. It wont do him any harm. I grew up on computer games, son #1 did and now son #2 is also. If he want's to go out with you on a ride, then he will. If he doesn't, no point in forcing him.

 

[alecstilleyedye]

Maybe the thought of 70+ km put him off, so he was beaten before he started.

Try talking to him in miles, 42 sounds a much better number than 70 when you have to cycle it.

we started with the premise of staying with the group, failing that riding at our own pace and aiming only to ride as far as we both could manage (obs. i can ride it with the group having done so on many occasions), so it was more the actual riding that did for him…

 

[Markymark]

He's a kid going through massive changes being pulled in all sorts of different directions from parents, teachers, friends, role models. Go easy on the lad. Maybe an off day.

 

[jefmcg]

I think you are missing the point. While there are a lot of exceptions, there aren't many 13 year olds (or any other age) going for 20km rides. Be happy he wants to ride 20km with you, rather than sad he doesn't want to ride 70.

And if he keeps that base, it will be easy to increase the distance if/when he feels it.

 

[HarryTheDog]

To be fair to him the weather is crap, not very inviting. I have had 2 kids go through the cycle with dad, cycle with the club, race as well mill. I spent 3 months with one, only a month with the other, getting them up to a standard to ride with a adult club and they were 14 and 15 respectively. They both wanted to go out with a adult club( not my idea but theirs) probably to give them status with thier mates, I never had to push them to go out.
When I was on the youth/junior race circuit with the kids I made friends with a proffesional kids coach who told me with kids always praise, never critisise ie always be positive.
I tried to get both to join a youth cycling club only one did, that one carried on. If you have a youth cycling club near you try to get him interested in that. the club rides and training will be more suited to a 13yr old and it's suprising the amount of friends they can make.

 

[alecstilleyedye]

well the amount of kudos on strava for the ride (mentioned that it was with him) from club members indicates that i was worrying needlessly. and he says he's happy to go out for an hour or two on a saturday, so hopefully he'll stay keen and get to where he'd like to be, which is fast enough for the adult club rides…

 

[Jimidh]

My lad is almost 13 and is a decent wee cyclist and can easily cycle 20-30 miles but sometimes he can't be bothered and I can tell within about 5 minutes of being out with him - I now just accept its one of those things and have a quick spin and take him home. The important thing is not putting them off my dragging them out when they don't want to go.

 

[Pikey]

my eldest son (13) showed enough interest in cycling last year that he joined the club and we bought him his own bike (a ribble prime; nice frame with slightly agricultural shimano claris groupset).

we've done some longish rides at around the 20kph mark, and he's done some of the easier club rides too.

we got up this morning to do this ride (one of the club's monument rides), and while i expected us to not do the full distance (it's full of nasty little climbs), he only managed 20km out of a possible 70.

i didn't berate him, to the contrary i pointed out that i'd had plenty of days where i couldn't go the distance on a ride, and that climbing legs are the first things to go if you don't ride often enough. the last thing i wanted was to put him off for good. i may well have to sacrifice the saturday club run to take him out for an hour or so to build up.

thing is, he'll sit for hours on his playstation; should i have just dragged him round and quoted rule 5?

Nah, you did the right thing and he has probably learned a lesson for later on from it too.
TBH, as you haven't put him off, as the weather gets better the playstation will start to gather dust and he'll be out riding...
I speak from personal experience

 

[alecstilleyedye]

in fairness, for him, getting out of bed for a 9:30 start was an achievement in itself (his elder sister also attempted the endurance record for time spent in bed at the weekend at his age).

physically, he's still more an older boy than a young man, so i'm sure the speed will come as he builds up…

 

[mark st1]

I'm now discovering that 13 year olds do t want to hang around with there cool dads . I live for his football every Saturday morning that's are bonding time he no longer wants to come to town with me In case his mates see us together ! He doesn't care much for cycling loves his x box and his phone and anything football related but has good manners and seems to be doing well at school so far so I can't complain. As much as I want to point him in the error of his ways sometimes you cant put an old head on young shoulders and all that. Just talk listen and offer advice that's all I've learnt so far.

 

[alecstilleyedye]

i'm keen for him to do his own thing; if that turns out to be cycling, so much the better. his sister is a bit of a swot and is off to cambridge uni next year, so he'll want to do something where he's not perpetually in her shadow, i should imagine…

 

[Globalti]

As the Dad to an almost 17 y.o. I agree, there are days when it just doesn't go well. When I was that age and family holidays were always climbing holidays I hated going out in bad weather and dreaded rain, so I expect the same feeling of dread came over your lad today. At that age they are filled with self-doubt and insecurity and you have to do everything possible to build confidence by stressing the positive bits. He is probably just reaching puberty now so it won't be long before his body is flooded with testosterone and he will become a good sprinter and climber but he won't begin to build stamina until much later, so keep the rides short and enjoyable and always include a cafe stop because social contact with adult males is important for teenage boys, as well as regular refuelling.

My parents' climbing friends had two daughters who also got hauled off on midgey, rainy camping and climbing trips to Scotland and all that did was to put them off climbing for life so take care to make cycling an enjoyable sport. The juvenile ego also needs feeding with decent kit and a nice bike, even though they may not seem to appreciate it. For me it's a great way to spend quality time with my lad so I do everything I can to make cycling trips positive and enjoyable.

Something else you could consider is linear trips with a following wind, using the train to go out from or get back to the start. This is fun as you go fast and the cycling is easy and there's a sense of purpose and achievement. We did some big wind-assisted all-day Dales rides last summer, using the Settle-Carlisle railway one way and thoroughly enjoying the adventure.

 

[Banjo]

you did he right thing not berating him for it.
If you did he may have never cycled again.
At that age growing can cause tiredness and its natural to want to spend less time with parents if he will still go out and ride with you no matter how short the rides you are on a winner.