Wedding rings....

[domtyler]

I have worn mine every day for the past 26 years (26 years to the day, as it happens, today is our anniversary ). In all that time, the ring (plain, 9ct) is in remarkably good nick, only a few scratches. I have had to get it enlarged, twice. I feel fairly safe in saying, the marriage is in reasonable nick too, after all these years, but the missus needs to be consulted on that matter, as well...

Congratulations to you and your missus Pete!

 

[Fnaar]

Why not jump over a broomstick and be done with it?

Well, come a little baby lets jump the broomstick,
Come a let's tie the knot
Come a little baby lets jump the broomstick,
Come a let's tie the knot
My father don't like it, my brother don't like it,
My sister don't like it, my mother don't like it.
Come a little baby, let's jump the broomstick,
Come a let's tie the knot

Goin' to Alabama back from Texarkana,
Goin' all around the world
I'm goin' to Alabama back from Texarkana,
Goin' all around the world
My father don't like it, my brother don't like it,
My sister don't like it, my mother don't like it
Come a little baby lets jump the broomstick,
Come a let's tie the knot

Brenda Lee (for it was she)

 

[Pete]

Thank you. Now I suppose everyone will be asking, did I remember before I saw this thread? As it happens, yes I did, honest, guv. Planning to pop out this afternoon to get something for her...

 

[Arch]

A very, very bad reason to get married IMO.

Yes, I agree.

Friend of mine, his daughter married her long term partner (both in mid twenties, been going out since school, living together etc) last summer. Flash do, in Mauritius.

You guessed it, six months later, they'd split up. God knows what their motives for getting married were, I wonder if there were cracks and they thought it would save the relationship. My friend reckons the lad just suddenly wanted his carelss youth back. As it is, all that money wasted...

If I ever find someone I love enough to marry, and he wants to marry me, well, that'll be nice, and I'd probably want a simple registry office thing and a bit of a party for our mates. At my age, a big frock and all that seems daft. But I'm quite happy not to get married, if the other person wasn't bothered.

As for the OT, yeah, I do tend to check out the ring finger when I meet a guy (and we're talking work or general social stuff here, not a dating type scene) but all it teels you really is if the guy IS married. If he ain't wearing a ring, he still could be, or he could simply be in a committed non married relationship. So it's not really all that useful.

 

[User482]

Yes, I agree.

Friend of mine, his daughter married her long term partner (both in mid twenties, been going out since school, living together etc) last summer. Flash do, in Mauritius.

You guessed it, six months later, they'd split up. God knows what their motives for getting married were, I wonder if there were cracks and they thought it would save the relationship. My friend reckons the lad just suddenly wanted his carelss youth back. As it is, all that money wasted...

If I ever find someone I love enough to marry, and he wants to marry me, well, that'll be nice, and I'd probably want a simple registry office thing and a bit of a party for our mates. At my age, a big frock and all that seems daft. But I'm quite happy not to get married, if the other person wasn't bothered.

As for the OT, yeah, I do tend to check out the ring finger when I meet a guy (and we're talking work or general social stuff here, not a dating type scene) but all it teels you really is if the guy IS married. If he ain't wearing a ring, he still could be, or he could simply be in a committed non married relationship. So it's not really all that useful.

I've seen this happen with quite a few couples - get married either cos they think they ought to, or to patch up the cracks, and they're divorced a year later.

On a brighter note, I'm getting married in August (for all the right reasons I hope) and will be wearing an inherited ring with great pride. Didn't half feel weird when I tried it on though!

 

[wafflycat]

When DH & I got together, we *knew* we were meant to be at first sight...

Within a month we'd moved in together & we're still together some 20 years later. When we got married, it was us, the offspring, my parents & two witnesses at the registry office. We had an 'open house' party for all our friends that evening. It was a great day that cost a couple of hundred quid to do. The number of folk I've known who've done the big wedding thing and then split up with months or a couple of years is horrendous.

DH & I have had our ups and downs - any one who says marriage long-term is always a bed of roses is lying! BUT we've always loved each other no matter what life has thrown our way. Indeed now, after 20 years together our relationship is stronger than it's ever been. Before I met DH, I'd been in a couple of longish relationships where I *almost* tied the knot. If I had of done, it would have been the biggest mistake I ever made, as they wouldn't have lasted - in each case it was 'expected' by a combination of me/him/friends/relatives and I thank the deities I didn't do it. Would have been wrong for me and the bloke. The difference between that and the *knowing it's right* with DH is incredible. He's my lover, best friend, soulmate.

 

[Jaded]

At my age, a big frock and all that seems daft.

Yeah! Flaunt it!! Wear something skimpy.

 

[sheddy]

I refused to have a ring. Still happily married 20yrs later. Mind you I do think that jewelry looks better on a women.

 

[Cycling Naturalist]

I don't wear one. I was best man at a wedding when I was about 22 and at the reception, I was chatting to the vicar who said somewhat sniffily that wedding rings were for Roman Catholics and homosexuals. I can't stand jewellery in any event and even my watch is about as plain as I can get one.

 

[Fnaar]

Me and "Mrs" Fnaar have been merrily co-habiting for 17 yrs now... just never got round to getting married. I wouldn't do a church thang, coz it's against my (non) religion, but it may happen some day in a registry office type scenario. I sometimes refer to her as my 'wife' just coz 'partner' makes it sound like you just might be gay (no probs with that, just that I'm not), and 'girlfriend' doesn't do it justice.

 

[papercorn2000]

I lost mine last summer!

 

[ChrisKH]

Not necessarily, he also said/implied strongly that he loved her. I get the impression he just doesn't buy into the marriage thing but is prepared to go along with it for the sake of a quiet life his girls happiness.

Couldn't it be argued that this kind of compromise and sacrifice of ones own beliefs or principles for the sake of your loved one is a very good basis for marriage?

Honestly? No, not in my opinion. I loved my first girlfriend. I wasn't going to marry her. Or have kids with her. The marriage commitment is more than that, or should be. Marriage is about compromise but that isn't compromise it's capitulation. If you don't buy into the 'marriage thing' thing beforehand, you certainly won't when you're married. It's very fashionable these days to talk about marriage being just a piece of paper and real relationships not needing it, etc. but these people don't see any permanence in their current relationship and should be aware that real marriages have to be worked at. Getting married doesn't solve the problems in a relationship, if anything it compounds them and makes them bigger. You don't get married for a quieter life or just to keep someone happy.

 

[wafflycat]

Couldn't have put it better ChrisKH

 

[Jaded]

I lost mine last summer!

Did you slip it into your mate's pocket?

 

[domtyler]

Honestly? No, not in my opinion. I loved my first girlfriend. I wasn't going to marry her. Or have kids with her. The marriage commitment is more than that, or should be. Marriage is about compromise but that isn't compromise it's capitulation. If you don't buy into the 'marriage thing' thing beforehand, you certainly won't when you're married. It's very fashionable these days to talk about marriage being just a piece of paper and real relationships not needing it, etc. but these people don't see any permanence in their current relationship and should be aware that real marriages have to be worked at. Getting married doesn't solve the problems in a relationship, if anything it compounds them and makes them bigger. You don't get married for a quieter life or just to keep someone happy.

For you that may be true.

I loved my girlfriend before we got married and wanted to spend the rest of my life with her and have children with her. I did not, however, believe in or want to get married, I am not religious and did not see the point. She is religious on the other hand and totally believes in the sanctity of marriage, so I happily went along with it, including a big church wedding. There HAD to be some kind of compromise or we would not have been able to remain together, I was prepared to go through with the wedding for these reasons.

Six years later we are happily married, we have one beautiful daughter and we all go to church several times a year and have indeed had our girl christened.

What would your preferred outcome have been for me, my wife and our daughter?

Life is not Black and White, there are all manner of shades, colours and hues in between so you should think before judging other people.