What’s the worst film you’ve seen recently?

[MontyVeda]

[QUOTE 5014600, member: 259"]Blimey O'Reilly, Not Sting again! [/QUOTE]
brain bleach please!

 

[LCpl Boiled Egg]

[QUOTE 5014600, member: 259"]Blimey O'Reilly, Not Sting again! [/QUOTE]

brain bleach please!

Would it help if I posted that cartoon again?

 

[Alex H]

La La Land - lasted about 20 seconds before being switched off

 

[MontyVeda]

Ghost in the sh!te... or whatever it was called.

 

[MontyVeda]

[QUOTE 5014598, member: 45"]The Notebook. Hated it.

Was forced to watch it by my sister with her and my wife. At the end she turned, eyes full of tears, expecting to see me in emotional turmoil about the "twist". The problem was that the "twist" was bleedin' obvious from about 15 minutes into the film.


Pants.[/QUOTE]

I'll add Existenz, A History of Violence and The Village.

 

[Lee_M]

Sat down to watch Blade Runner yesterday im preparation to see the new one.

I now know why Ive never watched from beginning to end before.

boring, bad acting, ridiculous plot and lots of style over substance

2 hours of my life I wont get back but at least it helped me decide not to go and see the new one

 

[jefmcg]

adafa
[QUOTE 5014598, member: 45"]The Notebook. Hated it.

Was forced to watch it by my sister with her and my wife. At the end she turned, eyes full of tears, expecting to see me in emotional turmoil about the "twist". The problem was that the "twist" was bleedin' obvious from about 15 minutes into the film.


Pants.[/QUOTE]
Well, I had to head over to wikipedia to read the plot. Wow, sounds appalling. I hope the sex scene was good.

 

[Profpointy]

[QUOTE 5014622, member: 45"]If you can grit your teeth through that appalling highway number, it does get better.[/QUOTE]

What - the brilliant opening song and dance number is the best bit of the film. It is however mostly pants after that.

 

[jefmcg]

Any of the three Hobbit films.

You hated the first one, then went to see the other two? Why?!

I ended up "live" facebooking when I watched the first of the trilogy. You'll not be surprised to learn it's the only one I saw.

jefmcg (9:29pm) watching The (first) Hobbit movie with Him ; the dwarves have started singing. We may not survive this
Comments
vickster: (10:17pm): I wish you luck...
Him: (10:35pm): Why did no one warn us it was this bad? I'm holding you all responsible.
Friend: (10:39pm): That's unfair - I haven't seen it! Are you watching it at 48fps as the director intended? Maybe that's your problem (although I guess the action might be a little fast to follow).
jefmcg: (10:46pm): It's not going quickly, I think we must have the 48fps version showing at 25fps. We've been watching for hours, yet it's showing only 1 hour, 27 minutes elapsed time
jefmcg: (10:47pm): oh, no, elven flautist!
Him: (10:52pm): As meetings of the high council are to science fiction films, so dwarven songs and elven fests are to the Hobbit.
Friend: (10:54pm): Maybe if you only watched every second frame? You could establish some sort of rapid blinking motion to reduce the trauma. Also, you could explore how it syncs up with Dark Side of the Moon - I hear that's a thing.
Him: (10:54pm): This isn't a film - it's a class reunion.
Friend: (10:56pm): When you're done, I need a rating on the Sid & Nancy scale.
jefmcg: (11:00pm): Despite helicoptering in Cate Blanchett, it's still the greatest cinematic sausage fest since Laurence of Arabia
jefmcg: (11:00pm): oh, there's Brett McKenzie!
jefmcg: (11:00pm): sorry, "Britt"
Friend: (11:01pm): Does she speak?
Him: (11:01pm): Britt! Where's Jermaine?
Him: (11:01pm): Cate Blanchett appears to be standing on a trolley that rolls about the floor.
Him: (11:04pm): Walking across mountainsides to majestic music!
Friend: (11:05pm): It's the only way to do it, really. I mean, the acid jazz just doesn't quite fit.
jefmcg: (11:07pm): oh, no! Bilbo's in peril! What will happen???
jefmcg: (11:07pm): phew!
Friend: (11:08pm): He must go back and face the peril? Or does he need peril-sensitive sunglasses?
Him: (11:08pm): Is Middle Earth made of caves? Because you can't walk for 20 minutes without finding one.
jefmcg: (11:09pm): Friend: Castle Anthrax-peril? No, there's nothing of that sort here.
Friend: (11:12pm): Ah.. it's the second movie with the invented elf chick, innit.
Him: (11:12pm): As if there would more than one female character on screen at a time.
Him: (11:12pm): That's right.
jefmcg: (11:17pm): hmm, this one probably has more ladies in it - http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2836138/ - but still obviously a sausage fest.
The Throbbit (2015)
Directed by Timothy Alan Richardson. With Bryce…
Him: (11:17pm): People in this film spend a lot of time falling or threatening to fall.
jefmcg: (11:18pm): oh, there's a ring: do you think that might be important?
Friend: (11:20pm): Depends... which movie are we talking about again?
jefmcg: (11:22pm): there is only one movie. I've been watching The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey since the dawn of time.
Him: (11:24pm): This film has been going so long, I've forgotten what the dwarves were looking for. Actually, I suspect the dwarves have as well.
jefmcg: (11:25pm): dwarves? there were dwarves?
Him: (11:28pm): If we wait long enough, Legolas, Aragorn, Gimli and that fat elf from the Battle of Helm's Deep will show up. Everyone else has.
Him: (11:30pm): shoot - the orcs are singing.
jefmcg: (11:31pm): still, barry humphries has never looked better.
Him: (11:36pm): I was wrong - Middle Earth isn't just a collection of caves. It also contains a plethora of legendary weapons. Called things like Goblin-Biter, Headcrusher and Can-Opener.
Him: (11:36pm): More falling!
jefmcg: (11:38pm): i can't remember which are orcs and which are goblins.
jefmcg: (11:40pm): also can't decide if I prefer Humpries' Goblin King, or Bowie's
Him: (11:43pm): Oh no. They're being attacked by CGI monsters. Again.
jefmcg: (11:44pm): They should jump of the incredibly high cliff, that would be the safest thing. No fall can kill them, that's proven.
Friend: (11:47pm): Are there babes yet?
jefmcg: (11:47pm): omg, they are about to fall off the incredibly high cliff
jefmcg: (11:48pm): (no babes)
Him: (11:48pm): Regretably, no.
Friend: (11:48pm): So you definitely need Bowie.
Him: (11:49pm): Just defeated an orc patrol with flaming pine cones. Of course.
Him: (11:51pm): Bowie Baggins! It's genius!
jefmcg: (11:52pm): farking giant eagle!
Him: (11:53pm): BOOM! Out of nowhere!
Him: (11:53pm): Maybe some of the eagles are female.
Friend: (11:53pm): OK, now you have to scull your drinks for the eagle.
jefmcg: (11:54pm): no eagles, eagles don't move in flocks. Must be giant seagulls. Or pigeons.
Friend: (11:54pm): Actually, I'm sure the whole movie works better as a drinking game.
Him: (11:54pm): We'd be dead from alcohol poisoning within the hour.
jefmcg: (11:55pm): especially as the only thing in the house is absinthe!
Friend: (11:55pm): At least you wouldn't have to watch it any more...
Friend: (11:55pm): Poison the elves with the absinthe. They like green stuff, right?
jefmcg: (11:56pm): dwarf hug!
Him: (11:56pm): I think they're more into herbal tea. Or ganja.
jefmcg: (11:56pm): yup, elves are hippies.
jefmcg: (11:57pm): rich hippies, who charge £195 for a chakra massage
Him: (11:57pm): Why didn't you call for the giant eagles, like, an hour ago, Gandalf you **********er?
jefmcg: (11:58pm): was it only an hour ago?
Friend: (11:58pm): Yeah, I always thought that Gandalf guy was a bit of a prick, just running off on inscrutable errands and generally being not quite there for the people he supposedly cared about. Meh. What can you do, eh?
jefmcg: (12:25pm): our copy is broken, it seems to have just ended suddenly in the middle of the story!
Him: (12:00am): Gandalf is a bit of a dick.
Friend: (12:00am): Any survivors?
Him: (12:00am): Soft-cock rock ending song!
jefmcg: (12:01am): by flight-of-the-concords, by the sound of it.
Him: (12:01am): All 14 of the farkers. Despite being bitten by wolves, hit by maces and falling about (oh) 3 miles.
Friend: (12:01am): I guess you need to watch the extended version now...
Friend: (12:01am): What?!! No death?!! Far out... I was hoping to enjoy which one died next games at least. Bah!
Him: (12:02am): This film is bullshit.
Friend: (12:03am): Just think, now you're all prepared to watch that dragon flick.
Him: (12:03am): Those were kinda ... tall ... dwarves.
Him: (12:03am): "dragon flick"? You mean "Desolation of Cumberbatch"?
jefmcg: (12:04am): <embarrassed> I can't tell the difference between Bret and Neil Finn </embarrassed>
Friend: (12:05am): All Kiwis look the same, eh?
Him: (12:05am): Actually, the hobbits were a bit tall as well. I mean, they were shorter than Gandalf but he's 40% hat.
jefmcg: (12:05am): sound the same - end credit singling
jefmcg: (12:05am): s/singling/singing/
jefmcg: (12:06am): credits still rolling: will there be terrible fake bloopers at the end?
Friend: (12:06am): Hope it's not Bambi meets Godzilla style.
jefmcg: (12:07am): "no wawgs where harmed in the making of this movie"
jefmcg: (12:26pm): yay, there's a fresh episode of NTSF: SUV: SD:: to cleanse our palates.
Friend: (12:09am): Turn it off!!!
Him: (12:09am): Is New Zealand's economy depending on this? Because a lot of Auckland babies are going to grow up without shoes.
Him: (12:19am): "The Phantom Menace" on the Sid & Nancy scale.
Friend: (12:23am): Man, that's harsh.
Him: (12:23am): It should be harsher - we know Peter Jackson can actually make better films. Even if they are "Braindead".
jefmcg: (12:32am): it's a good comparison, especially if phantom menace was (shudder!) 46 minutes longer.
jefmcg: (12:32am): and the extra scenes all featured Jar Jar
Friend: (12:33am): Honestly, I went back and watched "Episode One" and I couldn't figure out why the movie even existed. Is this Hobbit movie like that?
jefmcg: (12:35am): they both exist for the same reason, to sell tickets, and milk the cash cow. They are identical.
jefmcg: (12:35am): (oh, Him's gone to bed - probably should head there myself)
Friend: (12:36am): Night night. Thanks for a great morning's entertainment!
jefmcg: (12:36am): I think you had more fun than we did!
Friend: (12:37am): And now I don't need to watch the movie!
jefmcg: (9:00am): I saw the best minds of my generation destroyed by blockbuster movies

 

[LCpl Boiled Egg]

They were on the telly, I didn't go and see them. They weren't bad enough to switch off but they were the worst films I've seen recently.

 

[Rezillo]

Arrival. The reviewers who thought this was a complex and meaningful movie need either to get out more or stay indoors and read some decent sci-fi.

Apologies for slight spoiler but the world's leading linguist makes a communications breakthrough by taking off her spacesuit helmet and pointing at herself. It just gets worse from then on.

On the other hand, I really enjoyed Interstellar, with its implicit paradox in the outcome, and that is in this thread as a worst film.

 

[Drago]

Anything based on Tolkien. The books were bad enough, what with everything being split asunder, or cleft in twee, and hey nonny nonny, but the films are turgid.

 

[MacB]

You hated the first one, then went to see the other two? Why?!

I ended up "live" facebooking when I watched the first of the trilogy. You'll not be surprised to learn it's the only one I saw.

jefmcg (9:29pm) watching The (first) Hobbit movie with Him ; the dwarves have started singing. We may not survive this
Comments
vickster: (10:17pm): I wish you luck...
Him: (10:35pm): Why did no one warn us it was this bad? I'm holding you all responsible.
Friend: (10:39pm): That's unfair - I haven't seen it! Are you watching it at 48fps as the director intended? Maybe that's your problem (although I guess the action might be a little fast to follow).
jefmcg: (10:46pm): It's not going quickly, I think we must have the 48fps version showing at 25fps. We've been watching for hours, yet it's showing only 1 hour, 27 minutes elapsed time
jefmcg: (10:47pm): oh, no, elven flautist!
Him: (10:52pm): As meetings of the high council are to science fiction films, so dwarven songs and elven fests are to the Hobbit.
Friend: (10:54pm): Maybe if you only watched every second frame? You could establish some sort of rapid blinking motion to reduce the trauma. Also, you could explore how it syncs up with Dark Side of the Moon - I hear that's a thing.
Him: (10:54pm): This isn't a film - it's a class reunion.
Friend: (10:56pm): When you're done, I need a rating on the Sid & Nancy scale.
jefmcg: (11:00pm): Despite helicoptering in Cate Blanchett, it's still the greatest cinematic sausage fest since Laurence of Arabia
jefmcg: (11:00pm): oh, there's Brett McKenzie!
jefmcg: (11:00pm): sorry, "Britt"
Friend: (11:01pm): Does she speak?
Him: (11:01pm): Britt! Where's Jermaine?
Him: (11:01pm): Cate Blanchett appears to be standing on a trolley that rolls about the floor.
Him: (11:04pm): Walking across mountainsides to majestic music!
Friend: (11:05pm): It's the only way to do it, really. I mean, the acid jazz just doesn't quite fit.
jefmcg: (11:07pm): oh, no! Bilbo's in peril! What will happen???
jefmcg: (11:07pm): phew!
Friend: (11:08pm): He must go back and face the peril? Or does he need peril-sensitive sunglasses?
Him: (11:08pm): Is Middle Earth made of caves? Because you can't walk for 20 minutes without finding one.
jefmcg: (11:09pm): Friend: Castle Anthrax-peril? No, there's nothing of that sort here.
Friend: (11:12pm): Ah.. it's the second movie with the invented elf chick, innit.
Him: (11:12pm): As if there would more than one female character on screen at a time.
Him: (11:12pm): That's right.
jefmcg: (11:17pm): hmm, this one probably has more ladies in it - http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2836138/ - but still obviously a sausage fest.
The Throbbit (2015)
Directed by Timothy Alan Richardson. With Bryce…
Him: (11:17pm): People in this film spend a lot of time falling or threatening to fall.
jefmcg: (11:18pm): oh, there's a ring: do you think that might be important?
Friend: (11:20pm): Depends... which movie are we talking about again?
jefmcg: (11:22pm): there is only one movie. I've been watching The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey since the dawn of time.
Him: (11:24pm): This film has been going so long, I've forgotten what the dwarves were looking for. Actually, I suspect the dwarves have as well.
jefmcg: (11:25pm): dwarves? there were dwarves?
Him: (11:28pm): If we wait long enough, Legolas, Aragorn, Gimli and that fat elf from the Battle of Helm's Deep will show up. Everyone else has.
Him: (11:30pm): shoot - the orcs are singing.
jefmcg: (11:31pm): still, barry humphries has never looked better.
Him: (11:36pm): I was wrong - Middle Earth isn't just a collection of caves. It also contains a plethora of legendary weapons. Called things like Goblin-Biter, Headcrusher and Can-Opener.
Him: (11:36pm): More falling!
jefmcg: (11:38pm): i can't remember which are orcs and which are goblins.
jefmcg: (11:40pm): also can't decide if I prefer Humpries' Goblin King, or Bowie's
Him: (11:43pm): Oh no. They're being attacked by CGI monsters. Again.
jefmcg: (11:44pm): They should jump of the incredibly high cliff, that would be the safest thing. No fall can kill them, that's proven.
Friend: (11:47pm): Are there babes yet?
jefmcg: (11:47pm): omg, they are about to fall off the incredibly high cliff
jefmcg: (11:48pm): (no babes)
Him: (11:48pm): Regretably, no.
Friend: (11:48pm): So you definitely need Bowie.
Him: (11:49pm): Just defeated an orc patrol with flaming pine cones. Of course.
Him: (11:51pm): Bowie Baggins! It's genius!
jefmcg: (11:52pm): farking giant eagle!
Him: (11:53pm): BOOM! Out of nowhere!
Him: (11:53pm): Maybe some of the eagles are female.
Friend: (11:53pm): OK, now you have to scull your drinks for the eagle.
jefmcg: (11:54pm): no eagles, eagles don't move in flocks. Must be giant seagulls. Or pigeons.
Friend: (11:54pm): Actually, I'm sure the whole movie works better as a drinking game.
Him: (11:54pm): We'd be dead from alcohol poisoning within the hour.
jefmcg: (11:55pm): especially as the only thing in the house is absinthe!
Friend: (11:55pm): At least you wouldn't have to watch it any more...
Friend: (11:55pm): Poison the elves with the absinthe. They like green stuff, right?
jefmcg: (11:56pm): dwarf hug!
Him: (11:56pm): I think they're more into herbal tea. Or ganja.
jefmcg: (11:56pm): yup, elves are hippies.
jefmcg: (11:57pm): rich hippies, who charge £195 for a chakra massage
Him: (11:57pm): Why didn't you call for the giant eagles, like, an hour ago, Gandalf you **********er?
jefmcg: (11:58pm): was it only an hour ago?
Friend: (11:58pm): Yeah, I always thought that Gandalf guy was a bit of a prick, just running off on inscrutable errands and generally being not quite there for the people he supposedly cared about. Meh. What can you do, eh?
jefmcg: (12:25pm): our copy is broken, it seems to have just ended suddenly in the middle of the story!
Him: (12:00am): Gandalf is a bit of a dick.
Friend: (12:00am): Any survivors?
Him: (12:00am): Soft-cock rock ending song!
jefmcg: (12:01am): by flight-of-the-concords, by the sound of it.
Him: (12:01am): All 14 of the farkers. Despite being bitten by wolves, hit by maces and falling about (oh) 3 miles.
Friend: (12:01am): I guess you need to watch the extended version now...
Friend: (12:01am): What?!! No death?!! Far out... I was hoping to enjoy which one died next games at least. Bah!
Him: (12:02am): This film is bullshit.
Friend: (12:03am): Just think, now you're all prepared to watch that dragon flick.
Him: (12:03am): Those were kinda ... tall ... dwarves.
Him: (12:03am): "dragon flick"? You mean "Desolation of Cumberbatch"?
jefmcg: (12:04am): <embarrassed> I can't tell the difference between Bret and Neil Finn </embarrassed>
Friend: (12:05am): All Kiwis look the same, eh?
Him: (12:05am): Actually, the hobbits were a bit tall as well. I mean, they were shorter than Gandalf but he's 40% hat.
jefmcg: (12:05am): sound the same - end credit singling
jefmcg: (12:05am): s/singling/singing/
jefmcg: (12:06am): credits still rolling: will there be terrible fake bloopers at the end?
Friend: (12:06am): Hope it's not Bambi meets Godzilla style.
jefmcg: (12:07am): "no wawgs where harmed in the making of this movie"
jefmcg: (12:26pm): yay, there's a fresh episode of NTSF: SUV: SD:: to cleanse our palates.
Friend: (12:09am): Turn it off!!!
Him: (12:09am): Is New Zealand's economy depending on this? Because a lot of Auckland babies are going to grow up without shoes.
Him: (12:19am): "The Phantom Menace" on the Sid & Nancy scale.
Friend: (12:23am): Man, that's harsh.
Him: (12:23am): It should be harsher - we know Peter Jackson can actually make better films. Even if they are "Braindead".
jefmcg: (12:32am): it's a good comparison, especially if phantom menace was (shudder!) 46 minutes longer.
jefmcg: (12:32am): and the extra scenes all featured Jar Jar
Friend: (12:33am): Honestly, I went back and watched "Episode One" and I couldn't figure out why the movie even existed. Is this Hobbit movie like that?
jefmcg: (12:35am): they both exist for the same reason, to sell tickets, and milk the cash cow. They are identical.
jefmcg: (12:35am): (oh, Him's gone to bed - probably should head there myself)
Friend: (12:36am): Night night. Thanks for a great morning's entertainment!
jefmcg: (12:36am): I think you had more fun than we did!
Friend: (12:37am): And now I don't need to watch the movie!
jefmcg: (9:00am): I saw the best minds of my generation destroyed by blockbuster movies

Yep it was a terrible film but your 'live facebooking' gives it a run for its money....couldn't finish that either...did it ever reach the heights of witty?

 

[jefmcg]

Yep it was a terrible film but your 'live facebooking' gives it a run for its money....couldn't finish that either...did it ever reach the heights of witty?

Sorry to have offended you. I didn't post it because it was ROFLMAO funny, but because it expressed the ennui engendered by the film. Dheidjd fjfiefb djejddb rjeodnfjr heieenrnt (I assume @MacB has stopped reading by now, so I can just pad this with nonsense).

 

[accountantpete]

Mark Wahlberg hopes that God will forgive him for Boogie Nights but he definitely won't be so lucky for The Happening.