What is your biggest regret in life?

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Salar

A fish out of water
Location
Gorllewin Cymru
Not standing up to my father,.................. the first time was when I had just turned 11. There were other times and we weren't close.

I loved art at school and I was awarded an Art scholarship at a private school / college with a bursary.

Living in a council house in a rough part of the city it was quite an achievement. :blush: (Don't take it the wrong way , I'm not boasting just telling it as it is)

Anyway my father, put his foot down, you don't want to do that, where's that going to get you, etc etc. Reminds me of the scene from Billy Elliot.

I ended up at a Grammar school anyway but I sometimes wonder what would have become of me back then.
 
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I know exactly where you're coming from @Salar :hugs:
 

Garry A

Calibrating.....
Location
Grangemouth
Parents :angry:
When I was 15 I really wanted to learn guitar as I really liked rock music. My dad said I'd be no good at it as all the people in bands were "naturals" and I wasn't. I gave up after a few lessons. Even when I started uni at 40yrs old he could only say "What do you want to do that for? Is there work at the end of it?" I did it because I wanted too:angry:.
So biggest regret is sparing more than a second listening to people's stupid opinions.
 
This is the sort of thread that is terrifying to read as a parent...

I end up accepting that I will make mistakes and probably (hopefully) have the opportunity to try and put things right again, or at least apologise. All I can do is try and love and encourage my kids as much as possible...

:hugs:

Making mistakes is being human. Apologising and trying to put them right is having your heart in the right place. :okay:

But when you see your child mentally broken, in pain - even if you don't really understand why - you don't become angry, dismiss it as a triviality and simply walk away. Unfortunately, that's what a gaslighting narcissist does.

And you couldn't be further from that @Andy in Germany
 
Two things really...

Back in the day I was shortlisted for the GB U17 fencing squad (epee) after finishing 4th in the national championships. I wanted to take the chance, train more and see how good I could really be, get to do A-grade competitions at home and overseas. I'd already been doing some pretty serious training prior to that anyway. But my parents put their foot down and said no, that I must turn down the opportunity and concentrate on my A-levels.

So I did, and the chance to represent my country slipped away.

And I still managed to f**k up my A-levels anyway, as 1991 through to 1993 were not good years for me.

The second thing was I'd been crazy about motor racing since I was seven, and in '89 I really wanted to go and see the Cellnet Superprix at Brands Hatch, as my favourite driver (Paul Warwick) was racing in F3. Dad said yes, I'll take you as long as you save up for tickets and fuel. So I think fair enough, and saved my birthday money and skimped and saved all summer long, bought a camera, made a banner... The night before race day, Dad (who hated motor racing and couldn't understand what I saw in it) told me that we weren't going in no uncertain terms. He got bladdered that night on purpose so that he couldn't drive anyway.

I was absolutely heartbroken as I couldn't get to Brands on my own, and I knew better than to dare try and ask again.

Then Paul was killed a year and a bit later, and so I never got to see him race. It is something that I regret very deeply to this day.
Parents. Not all wonderful.
:hugs:
 

Zanelad

Guru
Location
Aylesbury
I started sailing at the age of 10. Mainly dinghies, but in my teens I did a lot of yacht racing and was (am still, I like to think^_^) a decent helm and could get a boat to windward very well. I had the opportunity to take this to a higher level, however, this meant being available mid week as well as weekends. This does not fit in well with employers. When one owns a successful racing yacht, one has usually reached a position where one can slip away form the office for a haircut on a Friday afternoon without any issue. When one is starting out in the workforce, it's not so easy.

I thought long and had, but security won out over chance. My dad was pleased too.

Still think about what might have happened. No big money, but the chance to sail with great people and in great places. Something to remember in my dotage...….
 

Electric_Andy

Heavy Metal Fan
Location
Plymouth
This is the sort of thread that is terrifying to read as a parent....
I think many of us would question our own parents' decisions and actions at some point. What I aspire to is to listen to my son, and to not be afraid of having conversations about feelings. That is what was missing from my (otherwise excellent) upbringing. It was often overlooked but is so important. The fact that we are talking about it shows that we're, in some cases, streaks ahead of former generations
 
I think many of us would question our own parents' decisions and actions at some point. What I aspire to is to listen to my son, and to not be afraid of having conversations about feelings. That is what was missing from my (otherwise excellent) upbringing. It was often overlooked but is so important. The fact that we are talking about it shows that we're, in some cases, streaks ahead of former generations

This ^^^^ in spades.

Growing up with what I now recognise as an abusive father (some physical, but mostly emotional abuse), things couldn't be talked about. If it wasn't about him, then it was unimportant, belittled, swept under the carpet. It was easier to keep silent.

Not being able to talk about the things that are important to me while I was growing up was hard. And painful. And still has consequences today.

Thanks to you guys, I finally talked to my mum last night about it. :hugs: I think I owe you the equivalent of a lake of tea and a mountain of cake.

Bless her, that hug she gave me after meant so much. And she now understands *why* I was so broken in my last years at school. Where incidentally, I didn't get the pastoral care I needed either - a very traditional girls' school where interests and career choices outside of what was considered the norm was frowned upon. Girls didn't go off to uni to read automotive engineering...

Things have changed a lot in the last almost 30 years...
 
Woah, well done @Reynard: that took a lot of courage and strength. I'm glad to hear that your mum reacted positively too...

Thanks xxx :hugs: Sometimes the only way forward is *through* the wall xxx :blush:

At least I can now be open to her about visiting Paul's grave now, rather than hiding it for years under layers of evasion, excuses, squelching embarrassment and this constant feeling that I was doing something wrong. :blush:
 
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