What it would be like and can you imagine if....

[Cubist]

By a strange coincidence, just t'other day I stumbled across this ancient email containing extracts from the online Book of Remembrance following the demise of The Queen Mum:

> "I think that the Queen Mum and Princess Diana are our
> very own Twin Trade Towers. At last we can look the people of New York
> in the face". L.Ward, Mansfield.
> ----------------------------------------------------------
> "When Diana died I swore I would never smile again, but eventually I
> did. Now the Queen Mum has gone I cannot imag i ne that I will ever
smile
> for the rest of my life, but I will probably break that one too".
> A.Christie,Hendon.
> ----------------------------------------------------------
> "She was one of the old school, all the remaining royals are s***"
> J.Clement. Grantham.
> ----------------------------------------------------------
> "I thought she would never die, she has let us all down very badly"
> D.Holmes, Somerset.
> ----------------------------------------------------------
> "She was a trooper and she never gave up. I remember one time she was
> visiting a school and I asked her if she would like to make a visit to
> the cloakroom before she left. 'No' she replied, 'I didn't give in to
> the Nazisand I won't give in to the bladder'. That's how she was, a
> fighter, who refused to be beaten by anything. She ****ed herself later
> though, it was sickening". B. Forrester, North Yorkshire.
> ----------------------------------------------------------
> "She was a marvelous woman, and a wonderful lover". L. J.Worthington,
> Penrith.
> ----------------------------------------------------------
> "I am absolutely devastated, at least we could have got the dayoff".
> S.Wilson, Bristol.
> ----------------------------------------------------------
> "How refreshing to be able to mourn the death of a member of the Royal
> family without being accused of being homosexual". J. Fletcher, High
> Wycombe.
> ----------------------------------------------------------
> "Her death should act as a warning to others who think it is cool to
> experiment with drugs". E. Franks, Cheshire.
> ----------------------------------------------------------
> "On behalf on all blacks, I send the sincerest condolences". T.Watson,
> Ilford.
> ----------------------------------------------------------
> "Perhaps if we automated her old golf buggy it could still drive around
> The Mall on its own and bring pleasure to the tourists". Y. Howell,
> Slough.
> ----------------------------------------------------------
> "Once again the Queen is not upset enough for my liking, the woman
> should have a bit more compassion, how would she feel if it was her
> mother?" W.Waugh, Richmond.
> ----------------------------------------------------------
> "It is such a loss, God has shat on our heads".
> K. O'Neil, Inverness.
> ----------------------------------------------------------
> "I am sure the Queen Mum will not let this setback put an end to her
> public duties". N. Wallace, Swansea.
> ----------------------------------------------------------
> "I hold Princess Margaret in no small way responsible for this terrible
> event" E. Thompson, West Lothian.
> ---------------------------------------------------------
>
> "Bomb Iraq for us Tony, its the only thing that will make us feel
> better" P.McGregor, Southampton.
> ---------------------------------------------------------
> "We must do all we can, send blankets, food parcels,
> jumpers, anything to help these brave souls who are queuing up to walk
> past her coffin". R. Thompson, Bath.
> ---------------------------------------------------------
> "I have been unable to masturbate for five days, and will not do so
> again until her majesty is buried" E. Gorman, Derbyshire.
> ---------------------------------------------------------
> "Good God, who is next, Geri Halliwell?".
> R. Combes,
> Romford.
> ---------------------------------------------------------
> "No matter how she felt, no matter the situation, she always wore a
> smile. Just like a retard" G. Hollins, East Sussex.
> ----------------------------------------------------------
> "I remember she came to visit us in the East End one time. She was so
> kind, so generous and so sweet. She whispered softly in my ear, 'you
> know its not true' she said, 'you don't smell of s***'. She was a
> wondrous person". E.Collier, London.
> ----------------------------------------------------------
> "Whichever way you look at it, it just is not as exciting as Diana".
> G.Williams, West Midlands.
> ----------------------------------------------------------
> "She was one of us, and by that I don't mean she
> perpetrated insurance fraud or lied about expense claims. She was like
> us in a good way. God bless you ma'am". L. Weller, Harlow.
> ----------------------------------------------------------
> "If only I could get my hands on that fish bone right now, you heartless
> b******!" J. Hedges, Cowdenbeath.
> ----------------------------------------------------------
> "She had such a difficult life, always battling against adversity and
> misfortune. Let us hope that if there is a next time round she is given
> a life of privilege and comfort" T.D.Wainwright, Hastings.
>

Swee'pea. that is brilliant.

Can't remember laughing out loud like that for ages (although it was probably yesterday)

 

[cosmicbike]

It would be completely and utterly HORRIFIC!! When not being utterly hysterical, the media would be practically playing with themselves in public!

The TV would be crammed solid of one utterly maddening, fawning, arse licking deferential programme after another, whilst the news would be full of so called 'Experts' who would do nothing but state the absolutely bloody ****ing obvious as if we are all about 5, interrupted only by interviews with devastated BNP/EDL types (probably with 6 toes on each foot) wearing Union Flags from head to toe and each looking more utterly deranged than the last.
Meanwhile, Politicians and Celebrities would be moving faster than Jimmy Saville at a School Sports Day towards one photo opportunity after another in order to show the world just how 'upset' they are. The papers would go into complete hyperactive exhaustion.
There would be queues full of gushing, Mrs Bucket, Prawn Sandwich Brigade types backing all the way from Westminster to Wimbledon just to see Her Maj lying in state, whilst The Bradford Exchange would go into hyperdrive, producing the biggest load of tatt ever recorded in the history of the Universe.
The Royal Mint would announce yet another set of needless 'commemorative' 50 pence pieces, 2 and £5 coins, and the Royal Mail or whatever they are called that week would unleash umpteen First Day Covers on us.

The Grenadier Guards would be out in Hyde Park performing a Million gun salute which would achieve precisely nothing except for scaring all the local dogs totally s*itless.... Although one of the guns was used on D-Day and the Queen once used it for hunting grouse you know, so that would make it all ok!!

We would be subjected to yet another of these round the country flame Beacon things or some sort of Baton Relay thingimybobber, with lots of well meaning idiots taking part.
....... And of course, you wouldn't be able to get anywhere near central London on the day of the Funeral (as if you'd ever want to anyway).

Right shower, the lot of them!

I hope I am out of the country when she finally does go, it really IS going to be quite excruciatingly hideous. The experience of Diana was bad enough thanks.

Meanwhile 'Dave' will continue with the schedule of old Top Gear episodes during the day, and Mock The Week by night. 5* will churn out even more old CSI's, and More4 will continue to employ Kevin & George.

 

[pplpilot]

It would be completely and utterly HORRIFIC!! When not being utterly hysterical, the media would be practically playing with themselves in public!

The TV would be crammed solid of one utterly maddening, fawning, arse licking deferential programme after another, whilst the news would be full of so called 'Experts' who would do nothing but state the absolutely bloody ****ing obvious as if we are all about 5, interrupted only by interviews with devastated BNP/EDL types (probably with 6 toes on each foot) wearing Union Flags from head to toe and each looking more utterly deranged than the last.
Meanwhile, Politicians and Celebrities would be moving faster than Jimmy Saville at a School Sports Day towards one photo opportunity after another in order to show the world just how 'upset' they are. The papers would go into complete hyperactive exhaustion.
There would be queues full of gushing, Mrs Bucket, Prawn Sandwich Brigade types backing all the way from Westminster to Wimbledon just to see Her Maj lying in state, whilst The Bradford Exchange would go into hyperdrive, producing the biggest load of tatt ever recorded in the history of the Universe.
The Royal Mint would announce yet another set of needless 'commemorative' 50 pence pieces, 2 and £5 coins, and the Royal Mail or whatever they are called that week would unleash umpteen First Day Covers on us.

The Grenadier Guards would be out in Hyde Park performing a Million gun salute which would achieve precisely nothing except for scaring all the local dogs totally s*itless.... Although one of the guns was used on D-Day and the Queen once used it for hunting grouse you know, so that would make it all ok!!

We would be subjected to yet another of these round the country flame Beacon things or some sort of Baton Relay thingimybobber, with lots of well meaning idiots taking part.
....... And of course, you wouldn't be able to get anywhere near central London on the day of the Funeral (as if you'd ever want to anyway).

Right shower, the lot of them!

I hope I am out of the country when she finally does go, it really IS going to be quite excruciatingly hideous. The experience of Diana was bad enough thanks.

 

[Fnaar]

Christmas Number 1??

... and we're here outside the Palace, watching nothing much happen. It's been not happening for 23 hours now, but still we will stand here and report a total lack of action.

 

[byegad]

If you found the coverage of Nelson Mandela's death excessive, wait until the Queen dies. I have a great deal of respect for Mandela, but the Beeb seems to have lost all sense of proportion in their programming. The biggest flood for more than half a century hit the East coast of Britain and got hardly a mention. Families from Scotland to Norfolk had their homes flooded, businesses of all kinds were closed by the floods and RSPB had a reserve of world renown badly damaged with some habitats within the reserve destroyed. AND NOT ONE WORLD FROM THE BBC ON THE DAY!.

If North Korea time it right they will be able to nuke South Korea and all the BBC will tell us, interminably, is that the Queen has died. I have a fair amount of time for our Queen, but I dread the day...

 

[Mattonsea]

It would be completely and utterly HORRIFIC!! When not being utterly hysterical, the media would be practically playing with themselves in public!

The TV would be crammed solid of one utterly maddening, fawning, arse licking deferential programme after another, whilst the news would be full of so called 'Experts' who would do nothing but state the absolutely bloody ****ing obvious as if we are all about 5, interrupted only by interviews with devastated BNP/EDL types (probably with 6 toes on each foot) wearing Union Flags from head to toe and each looking more utterly deranged than the last.
Meanwhile, Politicians and Celebrities would be moving faster than Jimmy Saville at a School Sports Day towards one photo opportunity after another in order to show the world just how 'upset' they are. The papers would go into complete hyperactive exhaustion.
There would be queues full of gushing, Mrs Bucket, Prawn Sandwich Brigade types backing all the way from Westminster to Wimbledon just to see Her Maj lying in state, whilst The Bradford Exchange would go into hyperdrive, producing the biggest load of tatt ever recorded in the history of the Universe.
The Royal Mint would announce yet another set of needless 'commemorative' 50 pence pieces, 2 and £5 coins, and the Royal Mail or whatever they are called that week would unleash umpteen First Day Covers on us.

The Grenadier Guards would be out in Hyde Park performing a Million gun salute which would achieve precisely nothing except for scaring all the local dogs totally s*itless.... Although one of the guns was used on D-Day and the Queen once used it for hunting grouse you know, so that would make it all ok!!

We would be subjected to yet another of these round the country flame Beacon things or some sort of Baton Relay thingimybobber, with lots of well meaning idiots taking part.
....... And of course, you wouldn't be able to get anywhere near central London on the day of the Funeral (as if you'd ever want to anyway).

Right shower, the lot of them!

I hope I am out of the country when she finally does go, it really IS going to be quite excruciatingly hideous. The experience of Diana was bad enough thanks.

 

[robjh]

On Christmas Eve? What an awful idea! I expect at least two extra bank holidays to be declared for compulsory mourning, and we already have quite enough time off in December. If she really had the nation's interests at heart she could at least go at a better time of year, maybe in July or in the long stretch after the end of August.

 

[asterix]

Thinking about it, I am sure we can rely on medical science to ensure her demise is timed to interfere with the appropriate TV schedules. And/or public holidays.

 

[ASC1951]

If you found the coverage of Nelson Mandela's death excessive, wait until the Queen dies. I have a great deal of respect for Mandela, but the Beeb seems to have lost all sense of proportion in their programming. The biggest flood for more than half a century hit the East coast of Britain and got hardly a mention. Families from Scotland to Norfolk had their homes flooded, businesses of all kinds were closed by the floods and RSPB had a reserve of world renown badly damaged with some habitats within the reserve destroyed. AND NOT ONE WORD FROM THE BBC ON THE DAY!...

This reminds me of a Letters Page I found <cough> some years ago, when I was trying to fire up the stove in an empty bothy in the Cairngorms:-
"Why do we have to put up with this predictable nonsense about Charles and Diana, when all the time Partick Thistle are crying out for a new goalkeeper?!!!"

 

[numbnuts]

I would find the Queen dying quite frightening image having cloth ears as a King

 

[sheddy]

The BBC will have planned a total Buckfest.
There is a secret news room in the basement complete with archive materials primed and ready to go...

 

[MontyVeda]

There's no chance the Queen will pop her clogs this year, or next.... I have heard from a reliable source that Lizzie is 'hanging in there' to beat Victoria's reign... and only when QEII has become Britain's longest reigning monarch will she allow herself to kick ones bucket.

 

[biggs682]

Ah yes, but do you have 'The Queen'??

if i remember rightly we do

 

[postman]

I think a well known Postal company.Might even commision,Design a Queen postage stamp competition among school kids.

 

[Salad Dodger]

The BBC cut off programmes when Mandela died.

What would have happened if he had died in the middle of an episode of Doctor Who (which the BBC seems to w@nk itself over endlessly)?