What's the stupidest thing you've heard about bikes - by someone who should really know better?

[Ming the Merciless]

"What are you up to this weekend?" my friend asked me.
"I've been wanting to do a century ride for a while so I think I'll do that if I can be bothered to wake up early enough" I replied.
"What's that?"
"You gotta ride a 100 miles or a 100km, I'm doing the miles."
"Wow? Really? OMG. So how long will that take, like 7 or 8 days?"
"Uhm, no, just one day, maybe 7 or 8 hours coz I'm unfit."
The guy nearly fainted. "WHAT? I don't even drive a hundred miles in my car nad you're doing it on a bike, in ONE DAY???"

The funny thing is he is also a cyclist so I figured it's not a big deal for him.

In 2013 the London Edinburgh London audax started on the same day as a London to Cambridge sportive of some sort. The routes coincided somewhere near Ware, Hertfordshire . We were well on the way to St Ives, Cambridgeshire when a rider at the back of our group pipes up “I think we’re going the wrong way”. Almost as one we all replied, no this is right. He then said where are going? We are off to Edinburgh, where are you going? A small voice squeaked “Cambridge” shortly followed by brakes. He wasn’t the only one.

Most often on audaxes if asked where I’ve ridden from, I’ll just mention the last biggish place. If you say the truth they won’t believe you.

 

[Ming the Merciless]

Out on a local ride minding my own business when I see some groups of cyclists coming the opposite way. Then being told, multiple times, I’m going the wrong way. On enquiring why, I’m informed I’m apparently riding a sportive and I need to turn round.

 

[Ming the Merciless]

The small wheels = have to pedal faster thing is amazingly prevalent. I once tried to explain: ‘Big cog go round once, little cog go round many times.’ They looked at me as if I was talking about witchcraft.

Those cars with 16” rims must be really slow.

 

[Profpointy]

Walking into the office, clearly wearing cycle gear. Did you ride in today?

I walked into Halfords in full lycra to buy headlight bulbs for my car. "would you like us to fit them for you?". Now that would have been good service if I'd taken them up on the offer !

 

[glasgowcyclist]

In a "bike shop"
"You can't get replacement bearings you need a new hub"

(At a large national retailer) On the same quest for bearings..
"we haven't got loose balls, these caged bearings will fit"
[no they won't I'll take the balls out and use them loose]
"You can't do that..... they won't come out"
[They did]

"Hi have you got any puncture patches"
- "no.... we just do innertubes"


Not bike related
Years when I was young and daft and when my employer was paying car bills, i took my Corsa to National Tyres for new tyres. They gave me the old pony about it needing two dampers, I doubt it did but had them fitted anyway.
About 8 months and 12k later it went in (to a different national tyres) for two more tyres, they told me it needed two new dampers. I confirmed all their work was warrantied and let them get in with it while I nipped home. I collected it later that day and paid for the tyres presenting them with the bill/warranty for the dampers. Their chins nearly hit the floor and they ranted about I should have told them. We used National Tyres as we used the vouchers in the paper. I went again a few months later and was asked to leave.

I did the same thing about 30 years ago with my Granada Ghia V6. I went into KwikFit with a clearly blown exhaust system. Guy said it needed a new centre box but the corrosion of the joints to the manifold and back box meant the whole system needed replaced but he could do it that day and asked me to come back later in the afternoon.

I went back and he presented me with a bill for £300 so I produced my receipt and 3-year warranty from a year before. He was absolutely fizzing, saying that if he’d known he would only have replaced the manifold.

I suggested that in future he should be honest with his customers.

 

[Chris S]

Did you reply “Who do you think you are, Pablo Escobar, and what drugs you got?”

When I had an MTB and stopped at junctions in inner city areas people used to try and buy drugs from me.

 

[Ming the Merciless]

When I had an MTB and stopped at junctions in inner city areas people used to try and buy drugs from me.

Fortunately drug dealers preferred mode of transport is the electric scooter these days.

 

[Ming the Merciless]

Less spokes means you’ll go faster.

 

[DCBassman]

Less spokes means you’ll go faster.

This, such utter carp...
Having said that, and considering I'm a very slow old geezer on bitsa bikes, I have very few spokes indeed...76 over two bikes! Blimey, I'd better lose some weight!

 

[monkers]

Less spokes means you’ll go faster.

No it's likely true, you'll likely have an acceleration of 9.81 m.s.s - just not in the direction of travel you hoped.

 

[Profpointy]

I recall at university talking about bikes to my room-mate and when his dad had gone with him to buy a bike, he'd got the bike shop to remove the front changer because "10 speeds are too complicated" so the lad needlessly had a 5 speed. i then realised dads in general know f-all about bikes yet have strongly held opinions. My dad had got me a folding raleigh shopper (because of "reasons" which weighed a ton so my pals on their "racers" with 5 or even 10 gears and half the weight would leave me in their dust

 

[Blue Hills]

I recall at university talking about bikes to my room-mate and when his dad had gone with him to buy a bike, he'd got the bike shop to remove the front changer because "10 speeds are too complicated"

Is that so different from the current 1x crowd tho or the folks who use singlespeed fixed in inappropriate places? London is pretty flat but i live in a seriously hilly bit with a steep climb every time i come home. A while ago i passed a bloke walking a singlespeed. When i expressed my doubts about it he said he valued the simplicity. Am all for simplicity (see other thread) but not if your beloved insists you carry it.

 

[Profpointy]

Is that so different from the current 1x crowd tho or the folks who use singlespeed fixed in inappropriate places? London is pretty flat but i live in a seriously hilly bit with a steep climb every time i come home. A while ago i passed a bloke walking a singlespeed. When i expressed my doubts about it he said he valued the simplicity. Am all for simplicity (see other thread) but not if your beloved insists you carry it.

Choosing a singlespeed is one thing but removing the front clanger from a perfectly good brand new bike is another

 

[Ming the Merciless]

I recall at university talking about bikes to my room-mate and when his dad had gone with him to buy a bike, he'd got the bike shop to remove the front changer because "10 speeds are too complicated" so the lad needlessly had a 5 speed. i then realised dads in general know f-all about bikes yet have strongly held opinions. My dad had got me a folding raleigh shopper (because of "reasons" which weighed a ton so my pals on their "racers" with 5 or even 10 gears and half the weight would leave me in their dust

Ah but you laughed in their face when doing your shopping or laundry

 

[DaveReading]

Choosing a singlespeed is one thing but removing the front clanger from a perfectly good brand new bike is another

I think you may have dropped one there ...