What's your worst local insult (without swearing)

[Markymark]

Kilts go back into ancient history. They've been recorded back in Assyria...

I would imagine, depending on the definition of a kilt, it's probably one of the oldest forms of clothing for a man's lower body as trousers would have been considerably harder to make.

 

[swee'pea99]

It's not mine, it's not local, and it involves swearing-lite, but with those caveats, my favourite insult was one I heard in a movie many many years ago, in which one boy says to another: 'If I was a dog and had a face like yours I'd shave my ass and walk backwards.'

 

[Markymark]

It's not mine, it's not local, and it involves swearing-lite, but with those caveats, my favourite insult was one I heard in a movie many many years ago, in which one boy says to another: 'If I was a dog and had a face like yours I'd shave my ass and walk backwards.'

He looks like he fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down. (True Romance)

 

[T.M.H.N.E.T]

Pretty much this. Northern Irish people are of the peaceful, accomodating kind

 

[Pro Tour Punditry]

She had a face like she'd been dookin for chips

 

[TVC]

Yebbut that's true innit...

Well yes, as you mention it.

 

[glasgowcyclist]

She had a face like she'd been dookin for chips

You've got a face like a City Bakeries' Hallowe'en cake.

 

[Dayvo]

You've got a face like a City Bakeries' Hallowe'en cake.

'She's got a face like a smacked bottom.'

 

[glasgowcyclist]

'She's got a face like a smacked bottom.'

I was about to type something, then remembered this is a non-swearing thread. However, the Scottish version of that is "... like a well skelped ****".

 

[Markymark]

You look like something I'd draw with my left hand.

 

[stephec]

Yer a Rocket.
Could be something to do with being a moon man or a space cadet.
Which are insults too funnily enough

Could be the same as calling someone an astronaut.

When they look at you blankly you can add, 'your dad should've shot you into farking space.'

 

[Brains]

SHUT YOUR FESTERING GOB, YOU TIT! YOUR TYPE MAKES ME PUKE! YOU VACUOUS STUFFY-NOSED MALODOROUS PERVERT
(Monty Python)

Is always a good one to use as it takes a good 5 seconds for the recipient to work out if they have been insulted or sworn at or not.

As a teenager I used it (justifiably) on a member of the Transport Police who then made me repeat it so she could write it down, her Sargent obviously recognised where the quote came from, no further action taken .

 

[User6179]

You looked good from 3 lampposts back..

 

[Dayvo]

SHUT YOUR FESTERING GOB, YOU TIT! YOUR TYPE MAKES ME PUKE! YOU VACUOUS STUFFY-NOSED MALODOROUS PERVERT
(Monty Python)

So good it needs to be seen (the whole sketch, in fact).

From 50 seconds on:


View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kQFKtI6gn9Y

 

[Maverick Goose]

I came across some strange ones from my time in London, a mate once called somebody , "A right Sir Anthony"... then explained it was linked to a spy who had been part of the Cambridge Five. Totally baffled!

Sir Anthony Blunt...