Why do so many Pro Racing Cyclists now have Beards ?

[winjim]

This thread is the most spectacular 5 minutes of utter nonsense I've encountered since Game of Thrones S8E3

 

[Anthony.R.Brown]

Hi Tony,

Welcome to CycleChat!

My data seems to fly in the face of accepted science.

Riding the very same dozen DIY perms each year (eventually saves on stopping to look at the map) over twenty-one years, I have amassed a comprehensive spreadsheet on time vs distance, all in various states of hirsuitedness.

If you have Excel, I can send over the files, but they are rather large. I’ve accounted numerically for wind speed; calories; tyres; which spectacles I was wearing; clothing; relative humidity etc. Other, non-algebraic columns include: facial hair - washed or clean; facial hair - natural or waxed; unaccompanied or with soigneur; unmedicated or lisdexamfetamine etc.

Years 1-9 I was clean shaven, facially.
Years 10 - 17 I had a beard of average length 300 mm, but shaved my cheeks, facially.
Years 18 - 21 I had the same beard, but added a full handlebar moustache, facially (yes, I am witheringly handsome now, and my personality is far more engaging)

In brief, then, my analysis, once sieved through some referenced and verified median datasets from analysts HERE, shows clearly that my fastest cycling has been achieved when fully haired of face. I would go further, and state that having a big waxed crescent of glistening manliness on your top lip gives you all the dash and elan needed to “shave off”: many seconds from each metre ascended on gradients steeper than 1:13; many minutes and microns of brake block rubber on descents longer than 1425 yards and of declines greater than five eighths of an inch per foot travelled; countless hours put aside for personal grooming won on the flat, on those gruelling sections of randonnees where the bald-faced peloton simply falls away under the weight of ennui and ordinariness of visage.

When the UCI finally comb through my findings, I can guarantee you the sports moustache will be de rigeur, then commonplace, then finally banned. Just like the French Beak, the Nordic Thigh and Cerume di Italia. You read it here first, Tony.

Kind regards,

R. Nerd


edit: unmediated became unmedicated

Thank's!

 

[MontyVeda]

Is there a greater prevalence of disease in bearded men and the people who love them or is it, like the chopping board / toilet seat thing, actually fine?

I think the OP just has a thing about beards in general... reasoning, is futile.

 

[Mo1959]

I think the OP just has a thing about beards in general... reasoning, is futile.
[/QUOTE]
I think the OP is a wind up merchant and will be enjoying this!

 

[StuAff]

Discussions about the aerodynamic potential of bearded dolphins and whether Lenin preferred Shimano or Campagnolo are far more entertaining than the OP's postings. And better written…

 

[classic33]

I think the OP just has a thing about beards in general... reasoning, is futile.

Jan will be complaining about respirators not fitting correctly, due to beards next. Backing his claim up by using the centre for disease control(CDC) in America next.

When did you last see a pro cyclist riding in a race whilst wearing one?

 

[mudsticks]

I think the OP just has a thing about beards in general... reasoning, is futile.

Maybe he suffers from beard envy..

Apparently , that is a thing

 

[Edwardoka]

Maybe he suffers from beard envy..

Apparently , that is a thing

It's true. I grew up watching Star Trek: The Next Generation and couldn't wait to have a fine beard like that of Commander William T. Riker.
Instead I had to wait til my 40s and am only able to grow a hobo beard. 😢

 

[MartinQ]

Discussions about the aerodynamic potential of bearded dolphins and whether Lenin preferred Shimano or Campagnolo are far more entertaining than the OP's postings. And better written…

Speak for yourself, mine were pure garbage :-)

As for reporpoising my pun
https://www.cyclechat.net/threads/w...ts-now-have-beards.276849/page-6#post-6458773

 

[Milzy]

Any medical people can answer this then. When you’re a young man with super high libido you can’t grow a proper beard. You age up to the “Middle Ages” & your testosterone production is supposed to be now a fair few % lower than your early 20’s. How come for some you can finally grow a beard even though you’re making less test?

 

[Ming the Merciless]

Discussions about the aerodynamic potential of bearded dolphins and whether Lenin preferred Shimano or Campagnolo are far more entertaining than the OP's postings. And better written…

Plus of course there is the art of cycling by Sun Tzu. An important 5 BC book on the strategies and tactics in cycling.

 

[Edwardoka]

Any medical people can answer this then. When you’re a young man with super high libido you can’t grow a proper beard. You age up to the “Middle Ages” & your testosterone production is supposed to be now a fair few % lower than your early 20’s. How come for some you can finally grow a beard even though you’re making less test?

Horn is made of keratin, which is the same material that hair and nails is made of.

Therefore it stands to reason that as young libidinous men are horny, their keratin production is needed elsewhere. Once that calms down in the middle age the production is redirected to previously under-represented areas such as the face or that solitary one-inch-long eyebrow hair that appears suddenly and makes a bid for freedom.

 

[Ming the Merciless]

Any medical people can answer this then. When you’re a young man with super high libido you can’t grow a proper beard. You age up to the “Middle Ages” & your testosterone production is supposed to be now a fair few % lower than your early 20’s. How come for some you can finally grow a beard even though you’re making less test?

Testosterone is connected with balding. In the same way when levels of Testosterone drop , it enables the full beard to prosper.

 

[Milzy]

Well thanks for the two nice answers above, it makes me want to clean shave & look 12 again.

 

[mudsticks]

Horn is made of keratin, which is the same material that hair and nails is made of.

Therefore it stands to reason that as young libidinous men are horny, their keratin production is needed elsewhere. Once that calms down in the middle age the production is redirected to previously under-represented areas such as the face or that solitary one-inch-long eyebrow hair that appears suddenly and makes a bid for freedom.

Not forgetting the prodigious growth of earlobes and noses, in later middle age too