Wierd Conversations

[GrasB]

I walk into a supermarket at the end of a long ride, I'm dripping with sweat, wearing Cervelo Test Team thermal jacket & longs, cycling shoes clicking on the floor (metal cleats on hard tiles), taking my gloves off when a guy with a clip board approaches me...
<Him> Excuse me, I'm doing a survey on how people traveled to this store. Could you tell me if you can by car or bus
<Me> I cycled
<Him> How are you going to get a weeks shopping home on a bike?
<Me> I'm not, I just want to buy a few things for lunch
<Him> Oh, why didn't you use a local store
<Me> I'm staying in a house over there (pointing to a cluster of houses clearly visible from the entrance)
<Him> Oh! Er, why did you cycle here rather than walk?
<Me> ... & I walk off

 

[ufkacbln]

I love old churches, and was visiting one early in the morning, wearing normal tight and a Foska "Bones".


Small child looked me up and down turned to his mother and asked "Is that man dead because I can see all his bones"

The other one was a child talking into one of those perforated flower holders on a grave. He thought it was a microphone so you could still talk to the people in the grave!

 

[brokenbetty]

I've posted this before but

A few months after starting to cycle to work I bumped into an old friend and told her about my new commute

we did the usual questions about showers and traffic, then got onto distance

Me: It's about 6 miles one way, so that's 12 miles a day

OF: You mean you cycle home as well!?!

Me: No, I'm building a big pile of bikes in the carpark

 

[GFamily]

When my daughter Boo was three years old she proudly put her own shoes on, but unfortunately on the wrong feet.

Boo " I put my shoes on dad"

Me "well done mate, but they're on the wrong feet."

Boo (After thinking about it) " But they're my shoes......and they're on my feet!"

Reminds me of when my wife was buying me a new toilet bag with my 4 year old daughter.

Mum: "look. it's got two compartments"
Daughter "Oh, is one for Wees and the other for Poos?"

 

[GFamily]

I got a brilliant reaction from a ~7 year old as I was folding my Brompton outside Manchester Piccadilly station. "Oh look mummy, that bike just FOLDS UP!"

OK, ok, my bike got a brilliant reaction.

 

[Black Sheep]

That's reminded me of a conversation I had about 10 years ago when I lived in just north of Bristol - I cycled into the city centre to a medical for a new job, and bearing in mind I was dressed in full cycling gear (eg lycra etc) had about half an hour of being lectured by the nurse on healthy lifesyles. The real irony of it was that the nurse was considerably larger than I was, and I kind of felt she chould have done with some of her own advice! She seemed concerned as my pulse was a little higher than normal, but then I had just ridden 12 miles to the medical which she really didn't believe was possible as it was far too far to ride.

I scared the nurse at a consultation a few years ago, I'd cycled to the clinic and at the time had been doing a lot of cycling and so was fitter than I currently am.

she was concerned that my pulse was low enough to be bradicardic (or however it's spelt) after her initial surprise at a low pulse rate she looked at my cycle helmet on her desk, looks at me and asks what kind of bike I ride

Racing bike

how often?

to work and back each day

how far is that?

about a 5 mile round trip

that explains it then

 

[ufkacbln]

I got a brilliant reaction from a ~7 year old as I was folding my Brompton outside Manchester Piccadilly station. "Oh look mummy, that bike just FOLDS UP!"

OK, ok, my bike got a brilliant reaction.

My favourit eBrompton moment was when I slowed down on the Gosport cycle track for a family.

Small girl looks seriously at the Brompton and states - "Look Mummy his wheels are even smaller than mine!"

 

[Skyfoil]

You do realise that impersonating a police officer is an offence?

I never thought of that.

Will make a note to be more careful in future.

 

[david1701]

I never thought of that.

Will make a note to be more careful in future.

I don't think anyone would nick you for it, it was messing about with a kid

 

[snorri]

Me: and you should get off your arse and lose about 50lb you fat bastard!

OH! You Australians are SO coarse.


Good to see you posting rustychisel, drop in more often.

 

[ianrauk]

I was telling a friend about a route I'd been exploring, when her husband interrupted and said, "What, you just go out aimlessly cycling about then? What's the point of that?" His eyebrows nearly disappeared round the back of his head.

I said I was trying to wear the road out.

Had similar once.
Was in a pub mid ride in deepest darkest Kent for some scoff & a beer when an old chap at the bar asked us where we were going. So told him and the route we were taking. He said you don't want to go that way is it was "all rand the 'owses, a quicker way is blah blah blah". He couldn't comprehend that the route I described was what we actually wanted to do.

 

[ianrauk]

Myself and Mrs Ian were on holiday in a nice exotic place.. we where sitting by the bar watching bats swoop down to have a drink from the swimming pool.
After a while Mrs Ian said to me "Bats are strange animals",
"Yup" I said.
"What are their wings made of?" she asked.
"What do you think they are made of hun?" I said
She thought about this for a little bit and her reply was....."Elastic?"

I have never let her forget that.

At another work our lovely admin girl used to come out with some crackers.
She wasn't the sharpest tool in the box bless her.
She was late one morning. Was asked why and she said her car wouldn't start.
Some one asked if the battery was flat.
She replied with.
"The car runs on petrol, it's not electric"

 

[MrHappyCyclist]

Not a funny one, but on tonight's commute home.

Me: Excuse me, but do you realise you missed me by less than six inches back there.
Arrogant pricguy: Yes, I missed you; I didn't hit you.
Me: Fortunately, yes, but you still passed too close.
Arrogant guy: I was in complete control the whole time.
Me: Maybe, but what if I'd hit a pot-hole or a rock or something?
Arrogant guy: I was in complete control the whole time.
Me: But how do you know whether I was?
Arrogant guy: Just shuts his window and pretends I'm not there.

Is this guy for real?

 

[Bikeabit]

Neither cycling related but slightly weird and recent -

1. At village post office:

Me - "May I have a proof of posting please?"

Postmistress - "We don't give out proof of posting unless people ask because it saves the trees"

Me - "I thought I had asked for proof of posting?"

2. Emerging from a village footpath at the side of a house, the house owner meets me at the front (he does not know me and I don't have a dog):

Me - "Good morning"

Him - "Where's your dog?"

Me - "Sorry, I don't have a dog. I'm out for a walk"

Him - "Have you lost it?"

Me - "I really don't need a dog to go for a walk"

He perhaps has friends at the Post Office.

 

[400bhp]

do you live in Royston Vasey?