I'm not a bike snob. It's nothing to do with waving, but it's all to do with the bike. Well, not the bike, it's the people riding it. I need a return from my wave, like buying me a pint in the pub if I see you later, so I believe it's scientific fact that if I don't like the bike you're riding, then you are too skint to be worth waving at. Ergo, I will look at your bike when you ride past, and if I like it, I'll consider waving, but then that will depend on what you're wearing. If you're not wearing the right stuff, then either you have blown your budget on the bike with nothing left to spend on the bike, then you're probably skint now, or not particularly careful with money. If that's the case then you're not likely to buy me a drink next time you see me, so why bother waving? There is of course the next big question, which is, are you the right sort of person to be riding that bike? The clothes are a bit of a giveaway here. If you're wearing team kit, then you have more money than sense, which means I'm unlikely to wave. If I do, and you feel obliged to buy me a drink later, I may discover that I have to listen to how well you're doing, and discuss house prices and expensive German cars.Or Golf. In which case I reckon I'm better off buying my own beer. If that isn't the case, the team kit may mean you're a very serious professional or club rider type, and we all know they don't wave back because they're too busy improving their performance, and I'm not likely to see them in the pub later anyway, so what would be the point of waving? Then of course the wrong clothes might mean the bike is stolen, and if that's the case I'd have to question my obligation as a citizen to detain you and recover the bike, or at least go to great lengths to determine whether or not I need to post a thread on the internet trying to alert the potential loser that I have seen their bike being ridden by some scrote. To do that I'm going to have to make a note of where I saw it and a detailed description of the rider. In which case I'll be too busy to wave. And in any case, we all know scrotes drink shoplifted imported lager and throw the cans into lay-bys, or go into pubs where I won't feel welcome. Next I need to consider whether or not you're wearing a helmet. If you're wearing a jaunty cycling cap I'm going to feel too overwhelmed by your cycling God status, and will wonder whether you want to wave back, still less buy me a pint. Even if you do, I worry that you might want to quote Swedish scientific studies on the risks of rotational injuries versus cranial protection and explain the difference between British Kite Marks and SNEL classification. If on the other hand you're wearing all high-viz and safety equipment, four Go Pros and a rear facing Veho Muvi on the seatpost, then you're going to be in your bedroom uploading close passes to Youtube and sending indignant emails to bewildered transport managers at the local bus garage, not at the pub. Next of course is the panniers. They create even more turmoil in the decision making process. Just one pannier on a fixed rack midweek means you're a serious commuter, and only use the second pannier on Mondays to take a week's supply of underpants and shirts to the office. If that's the case, then I would have to tell you all about my workplace, with excellent bike racks, lockers, showers and a drying room, and you 'd kill me in a fit of jealous rage, or smell of BO and babywipes. Two panniers and a bar bag tells me you're probably on some sort of weekend tour and not likely to be around in my local, and panniers front and back plus a bar bag and a tent strapped to the rack tells me you're not likely to wave back because you need both hands to control the juggernaut . If there are two of you with all that kit, I'm worried that you're serious wild-camping tourists, and you may buy me a pint, but I'll be worrying all the time about whether your partner is going to want to discuss the SheWee you bought her off
eBay for those awkward "hedge moments", and no amount of beer is going make that sort of exchange palatable.
Hope that explains the dilemma.
