A simple SORRY would suffice

[wesa]

By the way, what do you mean in the quote "the exact same way......"?

What I was trying to say was that if I challenge someone’s behaviour and they are not immediately receptive then I spend some time after the event analysing what I said, how I could have said it differently etc. What the lecturer was saying is that the recipient of the advice, although non receptive initially, goes thought the same mental process, 'why did he say that', 'what had I done to deserve that' and just maybe they will see your point.

 

[Arch]

Gosh, did it again, got a slightly sheepish look from the driver of a car who was about to pull out from a side road and turn right, straight into me - he noticed me at the last minute and jammed the brakes on, and I gave him a Hard Stare. Not quite a sorry, but he did look like he knew he'd made a mistake.

 

[swee'pea99]

Found meself on t'other side y'day...track-standing up to the lights and just past the line, very nearly went (albeit at well below walking pace) into a jogger who suddenly appeared out of nowhere, right in front of me, crossing the road at speed (as she'd every right to do). 'Oops, sorry!' I said, but I don't think she heard - off in her own little ipod world...

 

[redjedi]

I had a nice one the other week, when someone opened their car door right in front of me. I was probably a bit too close, but it was a main road and I was going up hill so I was trying to keep out of the way.
I managed to swerve around the door ( I didn't shout anything), and then red lights and traffic stopped me about 20-30 meters further on.
I stopped, then thought I would look around and see if she was still there. She was standing by her car looking at me. When she saw I had turned around she shouted very loudly "I'm very sorry". I couldn't really argue with that, so acknowledged her and went on my way.
Not bad for London.

 

[g00se]

A bit of a long time ago - as a kid cycling to school with my brother and a mate - single file.

First, my mate Gary goes past a car, just as the door opens. Gary swerves out, the driver shouts 'sorry' and pulls the door back out of the way. Just as my brother gets to the car, she tries again without looking, a swerve from bro and another 'sorry' and the door is pulled back. My go at getting past wasn't so lucky..... but she was still apologetic.

 

[Crankarm]

It's purely a respect thing. When challenged the standard behaviour is to appear strong to defend oneself. An apology is an admission of weakness which people instinctively appear unable to do these days and also an admission they made an error or were wrong but more so weakness. That's why many lack manners and are so aggressive or abusive.

The pause, calm or silent approach is best. To the OP I used to share your frustration. But have found that by far the best approach is to ignore and ride on, or if you have to respond then a stare, or if egregious a longish stare with a "Careful!" or if you feel they still aren't getting the message then a hard stare with a curled lip. With the latter it is important not to say anything. It also helps to be wearing cycling shades. Sometimes a waive and a smile Jack Nicholson style totally disarms them .

 

[Archie_tect]

Completely agree with Crankarm.
Giving abuse and swearing just escalates the situation and makes people look pathetic.
[A bit like on here! ]

 

[smavter]

I used to find it difficult to control my emotions after a near miss, or the callous attitude of a driver following some sort of incident. I would often go on a rant and then when I got home, I'd feel ashamed of not controlling my emotions. (and also doubting the course of events).

Now I've learned that it's better for you to remain calm after somebody has done you wrong. In any situation, it is better to try and solve the problem straight away. Also, people who are threatened by ranting and aggression are much less likely to understand the severeness and implications of the situation.

I admit my fault straight away now, and I have a bit more patience when somebody has made a mistake they do not want to admit. It saves me a lot of stress.

 

[DrSquirrel]

What would you prefer - Sorry mate I didn't see you?

Sometimes we all need to remember that none of us is perfect...

Sure... though this is where the apology comes in, not perfect... made a mistake pulling out, thus apologising for it. I think telling someone to f-off isn't a mistake

mply face young kid who looked like he was with his girlfriend. I figure I must not have looked to happy. The first words this kid said?

"I'm sorry, I'm really sorry. It was my fault"

My mum was in my car once, and a girl side swiped it getting out of a car park space. My mother approached and said "don't you go anywhere...!" the girl started crying. lol.

We're both a bit tired of getting bumped in car parks for whomever did it to drive off, once I was lucky and a motorcyclist stopped the old lad from leaving the car park.

 

[Jezston]

What I was trying to say was that if I challenge someone’s behaviour and they are not immediately receptive then I spend some time after the event analysing what I said, how I could have said it differently etc. What the lecturer was saying is that the recipient of the advice, although non receptive initially, goes thought the same mental process, 'why did he say that', 'what had I done to deserve that' and just maybe they will see your point.

I strongly agree with this.

This is why I don't know agree with the stay calm and do nothing approach.

If you say something, even if it's garbled ranting, they might just say **** off back, and but they'll calm down and they'll think about it, and next time they may behave differently.

 

[400bhp]

I was recently sent on a Health & Safety refresher course, this was aimed at managers and controlling incidents. In particular it focussed on telling people (strangers rather than colleagues) to change their ways.
The concept that was introduced to me was that if you approach a stranger and criticise them, you should give them the first 30 seconds to rant. After that start again and they will listen; what is more applicable to the short duration interaction of cyclist / car driver (where you don' get more than 20 seconds) is that they will consider what has been said in the exact same way that we all consider what we have said.
I was a little disappointed on the course, research was repeatedly mentioned but no one could give me any sources for verification.

Prior to this training, when it came to confronting car drivers, I was very much in the scream and shout camp, on the basis that I only had a few seconds to get my point across. Now I am in the calm but assertive tell it like it is camp, although I have not had any incidents to try this out.

You're probably right.

 

[400bhp]

I'm about to let rip when I notice a dad and child....... "Look where you are going you stupid git" I shout, staring at the driver..... he looks back and shouts "F. Off you d**k head" - Charming.......

Now I just carried on riding as if he had turned round, I'd have got off, rather than leading him to my house...he didn't.

Why can't people say sorry these days ? Eh.... sheesh....

Think about it fos - you made it personal. There's less chance of a positive response.

Though, I agree it's very difficult not to make it personal.

 

[hackbike 666]

Sometimes we all need to remember that none of us is perfect...

What's that got to do with someone almost wiping you out and then not apologising for their mistake?

 

[Tynan]

sad shake of the head I was taught

lately refined to z sad raise of the eyebrows

but a fright is a fright, hard to control yourself then

 

[hackbike 666]

I had one tonight with a ped running between traffic and as it caught me out it really p155£d me off.Walthamstow again...caught me off guard...luckily for me luck was on my side as well as three buses.