Advice needed...

luckyfox

She's the cats pajamas
Location
County Durham
I have a male friend with depression. I don't mean to betray his confidence but I do need to understand. If anyone has experience with this could advise it would help immensely.

Thanks
 

ianrauk

Tattooed Beat Messiah
I have a male friend with depression. I don't mean to betray his confidence but I do need to understand. If anyone has experience with this could advise it would help immensely.

Thanks

Try this long running thread
 
I have a male friend with depression. I don't mean to betray his confidence but I do need to understand. If anyone has experience with this could advise it would help immensely.

Thanks
Your friend should firstly see his gp as the type of depression needs to be diagnosed.
The two main types of depression are Reactive as the name implies is a reaction to a life changing event,death of some one close, loss of a job.Endoginous depression .Depression of no known cause both needing diferent approaches as regards treatment.
All to often depression is difficult for those close to the person concerned to understand as they don't see what the sufferer has to be depressed about.
GPS have become more enlightened about mental health issues and are less likely to prescribe anti depressants as a panacea for all types of depression.
Your friend and those close to him should remain supportive Depression is an illness that can affect anyone irrespective of social standing and is not some sort of stigma.
 
OP
luckyfox

luckyfox

She's the cats pajamas
Location
County Durham
Your friend and those close to him should remain supportive
Thank you for your reply. I haven't put too many details on here out of respect but this is about my side.
(I completely respect and understand depression but i've only just found out he has this)

The advice I need is re this: There was an incident with a cause for concern and now he's told me to leave him alone and not to contact him. He's an adult and can make his own choices and I respect this. His family/friends don't know about his depression and I don't know them very well and would never want to betray his confidence. If this is how he wants to deal with it, it's his choice. If he wants to talk to me or anyone else, this is also his choice. I'm his friend no matter what and in NO way do I judge him. Everything makes so much sense now and it hurts to know all this time he's been struggling with this all on his own. I thought his behaviour was strange, his friends/family have too but we didn't know. Now I've been told he's cut me off and they still don't know.

Do I just leave him to it? Or send a message in a few days? He's upset that this has been brought to the forefront but I have no intentions of making it worse. Is it best for me to stay out of his life for good? I know these are hard to answer, I just feel bad and wish I could help. I know I can't as it has to be him to get help, I mean I just want him to know he's not alone.
 
Thank you for your reply. I haven't put too many details on here out of respect but this is about my side.
(I completely respect and understand depression but i've only just found out he has this)

The advice I need is re this: There was an incident with a cause for concern and now he's told me to leave him alone and not to contact him. He's an adult and can make his own choices and I respect this. His family/friends don't know about his depression and I don't know them very well and would never want to betray his confidence. If this is how he wants to deal with it, it's his choice. If he wants to talk to me or anyone else, this is also his choice. I'm his friend no matter what and in NO way do I judge him. Everything makes so much sense now and it hurts to know all this time he's been struggling with this all on his own. I thought his behaviour was strange, his friends/family have too but we didn't know. No I've been told he's cut me off.

Do I just leave him to it? Or send a message in a few days? He's upset that this has been brought to the forefront but I have no intentions of making it worse. Is it best for me to stay out of his life for good? I know these are hard to answer, I just feel bad and wish I could help. I know I can't as it has to be him to get help, I mean I just want him to know he's not alone.
You are in a diificult situation there is only so far you can go.I realise he is an adult but when severely depressed those decisions are not always the appropriate ones .He knows you are there for him and perhaps in afew days time you could reinforce this.
 

twentysix by twentyfive

Clinging on tightly
Location
Over the Hill
You are in a diificult situation there is only so far you can go.I realise he is an adult but when severely depressed those decisions are not always the appropriate ones .He knows you are there for him and perhaps in afew days time you could reinforce this.
That's a fairly normal symptom of depression - cutting oneself off from all and sundry including nearest and dearest. Do not take it personally. Tricky as has been said. Just quietly let him know that you understand that he is ill and that you are there for him - choose a good moment for this when you feel he may be able to take it on board. He does sound quite depressed and most likely does need intervention from the professionals. He may need to recognise that for himself tho'. A quiet suggestion again at the correct moment.

Depression is usually worst in the mornings. Afternoons are best if you do wish to try.
 

twentysix by twentyfive

Clinging on tightly
Location
Over the Hill
Any advice on how I do this from anyone would be most welcome. I wrote a long email but I think it might be too much, just want him to know he's not alone.
That's not a bad way to do that. He can read it when he's feeling like it. Long isn't best tho'. Maybe write an old fashioned letter?

If you call round to see him you'll have to play it by ear. Be prepared to be rejected and if things "OK" don't stay too long
 
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