Affairs of the heart - Relationship advice!

[michaelcycle]

EDIT: I wonder what it says about my mental state if the girl of my dreams happens to be a hot headed, binge drinking sex maniac

I think the mental classification for that state is "bloke"

 

[s7ephanie]

don't go there !! i had a best friend of the opposite sex and we ended up in a relationship which ended badly. I think you would know if she was 'into' you.
Besides having a best friend of the opposite sex is the best ever !!
but good luck whatever you decide

 

[coffeejo]

Personally, I wouldn't go there .................... yet.

Mental health and new relationships are rarely a good mix and although it's great that she's been "stable and sober for a few months", really that isn't very long at all. I think one has to be happy with and in oneself before one can be happy with someone else.

It also sounds to me as though she's catching up with everything she missed out on while she was with her long-term boyfriend - let her get that out of her system and don't be one of the guys that she practices on.

 

[Pale Rider]

I've often had text messages in the morning saying things like "yeah! I've a man in my bed!"

I wouldn't find that particularly alluring, but most of my texts are of the 'your credit card bill is due' variety.

 

[Mile195]

It sounds from what you're saying that you have a bit of a "straight gay-best-friend" situation (Was that a Will and Grace episode? I forget...). That is, you are the straight "gay best friend". She feels comfortable around you and can tell you anything including her dalliances with other men, without any pressure of anything else because she knows (or thinks at any rate) that you're not interested in that way.

It's a great, as well as rare thing to have with someone of the opposite sex. The more you explain the situation, the more it sounds like a case of "if it ain't broke don't fix it". Of course it is a bit broken from your point of view so that's what makes it so tough.

You say she has one or two issues. Maybe you feel like you want to be with her to help her overcome those issues and that's why you feel more into her than perhaps you usually would otherwise be?

 

[Hill Wimp]

As a female of the species on this forum I echo all of the above especially what Jo said about maybe being too soon.

However I note in your post that you say she has said "let me know when you are ready for a relationship ...."
This is not something I would personally ever say but as a woman I read that, that she is interested in you.

 

[tyred]

Mental health and new relationships are rarely a good mix and although it's great that she's been "stable and sober for a few months", really that isn't very long at all. I think one has to be happy with and in oneself before one can be happy with someone else.

I can't really speak for her but I do know that in my case, I suffered from chronic unhappiness, lack of self esteem and confidence practically all of my life stemming from an abusive childhood and I have done much work on myself in recent years - stopped drinking, lost over 4 stone in weight, got fit, had much counselling and other help and have now reached a stage that I am happy and comfortable with myself, moving forward, looking forward, feeling happy in a way I never thought possible. The only cloud on my horizon is her and what to do.

She has played a big role in creating the new me by taking me out to things I would never have had the confidence to do before. Lack of social confidence was never an issue she suffered from and she can always put a brave face on things in social situations in a way I never could. Many times in the early days, I have taken her places where she would be the life and soul of the party but cry her eyes out in the car when I was driving her home. She does seem to have really moved beyond that and it helps that she doesn't drink at the moment but the question is is it likely to stay that way.

 

[coffeejo]

Christmas and the January blues are usually a good test of recovery.

 

[rich p]

I'd wait a little while Tyred. If she's only been with this bloke for a week it may well peter out as in the recent past. Then you can make a decision as to whether you want to b more than a friend.
A 'friend with benefits' has benefits too, if it came to that

 

[tyred]

However I note in your post that you say she has said "let me know when you are ready for a relationship ...."
This is not something I would personally ever say but as a woman I read that, that she is interested in you.

That's what I think, and other things she says seem to back it up. The biggie last week was her new bf turning up to pick her up after a dance class we both attend and she continued to flirting with me as usual and didn't really pay him much attention (although she did get into his car and presumable he got into her bed!).

But on the other hand - she has been cheerfully trying it on with other men but has never tried it on with me.

 

[coffeejo]

But on the other hand - she has been cheerfully trying it on with other men but has never tried it on with me.

Absolutely impossible to speculate but sounds like she doesn't want a casual fling with you, either because she wants more or doesn't want that at all from you. Sorry, not very helpful I know

 

[Hill Wimp]

Christmas and the January blues are usually a good test of recovery.

+1 ^

I may be wrong and I hope I am but have you considered she may be trying to force your hand by seeing other people. If so is that really the type of person you want to have a deep and meaningful relationship with,one who manipulates situations.
I don't know the lady in question and I am certainly not saying this is the case but take a minute to consider this and if you can discount it then that's one less thing to worry about.

 

[biggs682]

not sure what to advise , but remember best friends at mo if you make an advance and it goes all pear shaped will you still want to be best friends ?

 

[tyred]

not sure what to advise , but remember best friends at mo if you make an advance and it goes all pear shaped will you still want to be best friends ?

That's my worry. The circumstances in which we met and everything the fact that she has been so helpful, supportive and knowing her has transformed my life in such a positive way (and she says she's gained loads from my help and support too) means this is a very special friendship. It's bloody inconvenient to have feelings for her but that's the way it is.

 

[BigonaBianchi]

I bet she only went with the other guy because she thought you werent into her...ring her up...take her out...and open up to her...life is to short to miss the right bus.