Alternate lyrics to Christmas Carols

[TwickenhamCyclist]

Alternate lyrics to Christmas Carols

I’ll get the ball rolling:
12 days of Christmas (Jeremy Kyle version)

12 Cans of Tennants
11 dna tests
10 dads to choose from
9 teeth between them
8 squeezed in tracksuits
7 stinking smackrats
6 dunlop trainers.
5 stolen rings
4 fat slags
3 ugly twats
2 timing *****
& a bell end who parades them on TV.

 

[Oxo]

Rather distasteful. Such things are only entertaining when funny.

 

[Cubist]

Rather distasteful. Such things are only entertaining when funny.

It depends on your sense of humour though, doesn't it? I don't think it was made compulsory to read every thread when the forum migrated.......

 

[Keith Oates]

It depends on your sense of humour though, doesn't it? I don't think it was made compulsory to read every thread when the forum migrated.......

I think your first statement is fair comment but the second part is superfluous!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[mr_hippo]

Popular in late 30s -
"Hark the Herald Angels sing,
Mrs Simpson pinched our King"

From my schooldays -
"While shepherds washed their socks at night
All seated round the tub
The Angel of the Lord came down
And gave them a jolly good scrub"

We, three Kings, of Black Market Square
Flogging nylons ten bob a pair
Boots and laces
Old men's braces
and women's underwear"

 

[vernon]

What worries me is the original poster's apparent intimate knowledge of the Jeremy Kyle program.

 

[subaqua]

What worries me is the original poster's apparent intimate knowledge of the Jeremy Kyle program.

for me its essemntial viewing when i am off work ill. as soon as i can't stand it anymore i know i am well enough to go to work.

to the tune of Gloria in Excelsis. .... yes you know whats coming folks


falalalalalala
falalalalalala
Kerry dixon played for Chelsea.


i never said it was going to be good.

 

[Fnaar]

Not alternate lyrics, but I've just remembered something we used to do which drove (some of) the teachers nuts at school (but probably amused others, I'd guess)... in "O Come All Ye Faithful", in the bit where "oh come let us adore him" are repeated x3 in a crescendo, the first would be almost whispered, the second at normal volume levels, and the third time screamed as loud (and tunelessly) as you could. Kept us amused every Christmas for years, that did

 

[thnurg]

I remember this one from my school days.

While Shepherds washed their socks by night
While watching ITV.
The Angel of the Lord came down and Switched to BBC.

At age 12 I decided that the song needed to be completed thus:

"Fear not", said he for mighty dread had seized their troubled mind.
"I want to watch the midnight film - 'The Killing of Mankind'"

"To you in David's own this day is made for David's line.
Some pegs on which to hang your socks and this shall be the sign."

"Some football shirts and lots more socks all dripping in the sun,
They'll soon be dry and then you can hang up your socks. Have fun."

The angel left and they switched back to ITV to watch
The ten 'clock news, but saw the line on which to hang their socks.

All soap suds be to socks on lines, and to the hanging pegs.
And help shepherds to wash their socks, so they can warm their legs.

 

[Melonfish]

Tis the season to bake dollies, fa-la-la-la-laa, la-laa-la-laa.

not strickly a carol but certainly a christmas song.
Jack frost roasting on an open fire, chesnuts nipping at your nose.
though its been said many times many ways,
lay off the mushrooms.... this year...

 

[Mr Phoebus]

They rapped Jesus in Swadlincote.

 

[MontyVeda]

what about a literal version of Silent Night?

the mouth moves but no sound comes out

 

[perplexed]

We three Kings of Orient are
One in a taxi, one in a car...

One on a scooter, papping his hooter
Wearing a teacher's bra...

 

[Arjimlad]

O, star of wonder, star of might
Fill your pants with dynamite
Light the fuse and off you go
All the way to Mexico !

 

[Arsen Gere]

Search for Bob Rivers, Twisted Christmas, there is a whole album including classics like "Hark the hair-lipped angels sing", "Yellow snow, yellow snow, yellow snow" and "I saw mammy xxxxing Santa Clause" with a full choir. There is a selection to offend everyone. Some lyrics here : http://www.stlyrics.com/songs/b/bobrivers10338.html