An Englishman, an Irishman...

[ComedyPilot]

.......a Scotsman, a Welshman, a German, a Frenchman, a Dutchman, an Italian, a Pole, a Russian, an american, an Austrian, a Kiwi, A brazilian, an Argentine, a Mexican, a Swede, a Fin, and a Canadian walk into a bar.

The doorman looks up and says, "Sorry Gents, ..........................................





























........................................ can't let you in without a Thai...."

 

[citybabe]

man that's pretty awful..

 

[atbman]

The other day, in my local, a horse walked into the bar



























































Should have gone to Specsavers

 

[ComedyPilot]

Old women sit next to me at weddings, then they'd nudge me, and say, "You're next"











I get my own back by saying the same to them at funerals.

 

[wobbler]

I went into a pub the other day and ordered a pint and a very large whiskey.
I told the barman. "I should not have this with what I have"
"Why, What you got"? He says.
I answered.









































20p

 

[TVC]

If I had a crystal ball....





























I'd sit down very carefully.

 

[Paulus]

Man goes to the doctors, doctor says what is your problem today? Man says, bad flatulence. Doctor gets out a long pole with a hook on the end. Man says, what's that for? Doctor says..................






































To open the window with.

 

[TheDoctor]

I was sitting on the train t'other day, when a gorgeous Thai lass got on.

She sat opposite me.

She was stunning.

I was thinking 'Don't get an erection. Please, don't get an erection'.

But she did.

*gets coat*

 

[Maz]

Old woman on her deathbed calls for her husband as she fears the worst.
"Look under the bed, dear", she says, "there's a shoebox with 3 eggs and £5,000 in cash".
Husband looks surprised and asks"What are the eggs for?"
"Every time we had crap sex, I put an egg in the box" says his wife.
"Only 3 eggs in 35 years, that's not bad going! So what is the 5 grand doing there?"
"Every time I got a dozen eggs, I sold them." replied his wife.

 

[Adasta]

I was sitting on the train t'other day, when a gorgeous Thai lass got on.
She sat opposite me.

She was stunning.

I was thinking 'Don't get an erection. Please, don't get an erection'.

But she did.

*gets coat*

 

[swee'pea99]

How many Mexicans does it take to change a lightbulb?






































Juan.

 

[ComedyPilot]

A scouser goes into a cake shop in Glasgow:

Is that a custard, or a meringue?

The woman behind the counter say:

'You're not wrong, it's a custard'

 

[Spinney]

Spanish fireman had twin sons. The first was called Jose, the second was called

































Hose B

 

[bof]

A White Horse goes into the pub and orders a Scotch. The barman says there's a whisky named after you. The horse says









"I never knew there was a whisky called Eric"

 

[Chris S]

An Englishman, an Irishman and a Pakistani walk into a bar together - what a fine example of an integrated community!

(that came out in the 1980's when PC was a joke and not a mandatory requirement)