Animal warning Notice

[NormanD]

Dear Dogs and Cats,

The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by F1 Drivers and is not a race track. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run. 

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm. 

For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut,it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years -- canine or feline attendance is not required. 

The proper order is kiss me, "THEN" go smell the other dog or cat's rear end. I cannot stress this enough!

 

To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our front door:

To All Non-Pet Owners Who Visit & Like to Complain About Our Pets:

1. They live here. You don't.

2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture.

(That's why they call it fur"niture.)

3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.

4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.

 



Remember: Dogs and cats are better than kids because they:

1. Eat less

2. Don't ask for money all the time

3 Are easier to train

4. Normally come when called

5. Never ask to drive the car

6. Don't hang out with drug-using friends

7. Don't smoke or drink

8. Don't have to buy the latest fashions

9. Don't want to wear your clothes

10. Don't need a gazillion dollars for college, and...

11. If they get pregnant, you can sell their children.

 

[upsidedown]

Notice to my cats:

I'm fine for mice and frogs thanks, i'm sure they're happier outside the house.

 

[2Loose]

Very good! I approve, but they won't understand or follow your instructions

 

[Norm]

Excellent, but this one had me wondering if I'm on some sort of Truman Show thing, as it happens every time someone wants to change floors in our house...

The stairway was not designed by F1 Drivers and is not a race track. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.

Did I mention that I got bitten on the face by a police dog last week?

 

[Archie_tect]

The warm bit where the central heating pipes run under the floor on the landing and the sun passes every day between 9 and 11.30 is not yours by right. Do not object or look mortified when stepped over.

When I work with my laptop on my lap or at the kitchen table it isn't an open invitation for you to also sit there accidentally deleting files and resetting passwords.

If someone arrives at the house with a cat allergy, do not treat this person as your long-lost best friend.

Going to the vet is a necessary expense, do not treat it as the best game of hide and seek you've ever had.

On leaving the vets, wait until the cat basket door is open before attempting entry.

Cheese is not cat food.

My shoe laces do not need to be killed every day.

 

[Davidc]

It's much easier just not to have pet animals.

 

[punkypossum]

It's much easier just not to have pet animals.

No, cause that would just make life far too boring and predictable!

 

[Globalti]

Reminds me of the notice I saw on the wall of a dog breeder's (filthy wrecked) house one day: "This house is for the comfort and convenience of our Rottweilers. If you don't understand this, why are you here?"

 

[661-Pete]

To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.

"Sausages!"

 

[Davidc]

No, cause that would just make life far too boring and predictable!

Not if you have humans in the house instead.

I have no wish, and have never had any wish to keep pets. I gave in to requests when my children were young and I had to put up with the smell, the hairs, the inconvenience and the mess. I can't understand why anyone would ever want pet animals in their homes.

But if you want to keep them I won't stop you, provided you keep them under control and clean up after them.

 

[surfdude]

your fur is not valcro so you dont have to stick next to me every time i move . give me my own space . still love you paddy

 

[Paulus]

I don't mind the odd kiss, but, tongues are going tooo far.

The more people I meet, the more I like my dog.

 

[Archie_tect]

... gave in to requests when my children were young and I had to put up with the smell, the hairs, the inconvenience and the mess.....But if you want to keep them I won't stop you, provided you keep them under control and clean up after them.....

...at least they grow up and move out!

I resisted getting another cat for 2 years, after our 2 children left for university, for the reasons that you've mentioned David, but having done so just over a week ago- he's been a real tonic and a definite stress-reducer. Alf's a rescue cat: fully grown, amenable and has accepted us without any hassle whatsoever.

 

[Black Sheep]

Oi, Tanky,

when I reach down to pick you up its because you need to move as I'm trying to mow the lawn, I know you like the grass long, but it needs to be cut, partly for your safety



thats about all the problems we used to have with Toots, our tortoise although he was fast

 

[Archie_tect]

Yes, we know a headbutt is a sign of affection but...