Any good jokes ... ?

[PK99]

a cobblers last, used for making shoes

View attachment 576294

PEDANT MODE

that is really a repair anvil, more of a DIY tool.

A true cobblers last for making shoes is one of these foot shaped tools, set the oterh way up on a bench stand

(My day was a true cobbler from about 1930 - 1970)

 

[craigwend]

Lou Ottens has died, aged 94, head of product development at Philips, he was responsible for the compact cassette...
At least he lived to C90...

 

[sheddy]

A Welsh farmer was out tending his flock when he saw a man drinking with a cupped hand from a mountain stream.
He shouted over in Welsh “Don't drink the water! There's sheep poo in it!”

The man at the stream lifted his head and carried on drinking.
Realising the man couldn't hear him, the farmer moved closer and shouted the same thing in Welsh again.

But still the man couldn't hear him.

Finally the farmer walked right up to him and repeated his warning.
To which the man replied: “Dreadfully sorry, my good man, I can't understand a word you say. Can you speak English, old chap?”

“Oh I see,” said the farmer. “I was just saying, if you use both hands you can drink more.”

 

[Richard A Thackeray]

A Welsh farmer was out tending his flock when he saw a man drinking with a cupped hand from a mountain stream.
He shouted over in Welsh “Don't drink the water! There's sheep poo in it!”

The man at the stream lifted his head and carried on drinking.
Realising the man couldn't hear him, the farmer moved closer and shouted the same thing in Welsh again.

But still the man couldn't hear him.

Finally the farmer walked right up to him and repeated his warning.
To which the man replied: “Dreadfully sorry, my good man, I can't understand a word you say. Can you speak English, old chap?”

“Oh I see,” said the farmer. “I was just saying, if you use both hands you can drink more.”

We use the same technique with southerners, or Lancastrians

 

[betty swollocks]

If anyone knows how to reverse cheap plastic surgery, please let me know....I'm all ears.

 

[PaulSB]

We use the same technique with southerners, or Lancastrians

View attachment 578041

Over the Peninnes we're wise to that one now...........

 

[swee'pea99]

I may not be clever or quick, I may not be witty or rich... sorry I've lost where I was going with this....

That's like the classic Cheech & Chong skit: "People say that smoking dope destroys your short term memory but, like, er...er... sorry, where was I?"

 

[Salty seadog]

My lovely neighbour kindly came to my rescue this morning when I desperately needed a piece of waterproof sheeting.

Ta Pauline.

With thanks to Hovis Presley.

View: https://youtu.be/AQed0WbGkNc

 

[sheddy]

 

[Dayvo]

My three favourite things are eating my dog and not using commas.

 

[Toshiba Boy]

With thanks to Hovis Presley.

View: https://youtu.be/AQed0WbGkNc

Although to be fair, I'm sure my old dad told me that joke in about 1976.

 

[houblon]

Is it could have or could of? Occasionally, writers will mistakenly use could of when they really mean could have.

• Could have is a modal verb phrase.
• Could of is a error.

There aren’t any instances where you should find yourself using could of.

Lads, lads. It was my little joke.

First time the crap joke was posted the image contained the words 'could of ironed it' and one of our comrades corrected it.

Second time the crap joke was posted the image contained the words 'could've ironed it' and I 'corrected' it.

I'll get my coat. (Its on it's hook over there.)

 

[cyberknight]

 

[Joey Shabadoo]

Turns out the Aussies have a health minister called Hunt too -

 

[siadwell]

I'll get my coat. (Its on it's hook over there.)

"Over their", surely