Any good jokes ... ?

[PaulB]

Ha ha, the joke's on all those people refusing to see the solution to panic-buying petrol in case there's a shortage. Of course, I remember this exact scenario from the late 70s and I've filled 47 milk bottles with petrol and stored them under my bed for when they're needed. I'll enjoy a crafty fag tonight before I go to sleep content in the knowledge I'll have the last laugh!

 

[Dave7]

Ha ha, the joke's on all those people refusing to see the solution to panic-buying petrol in case there's a shortage. Of course, I remember this exact scenario from the late 70s and I've filled 47 milk bottles with petrol and stored them under my bed for when they're needed. I'll enjoy a crafty fag tonight before I go to sleep content in the knowledge I'll have the last laugh!

To prevent too many fumes I suggest you stuff some rags in the bottle necks

 

[Dayvo]

 

[Andy_R]

Fuel: are you measuring usage: Imperial UK gallons.
Are you buying: Litres

Angles: are you doing schoolwork: degrees
Are you trying to kill someone at extreme range: mils.


Air Pressure: Inside a tyre: PSI
Outside a tyre: hectoPascals (hPa).
Underwater: bar

 

[Chromatic]

Ha ha, the joke's on all those people refusing to see the solution to panic-buying petrol in case there's a shortage. Of course, I remember this exact scenario from the late 70s and I've filled 47 milk bottles with petrol and stored them under my bed for when they're needed. I'll enjoy a crafty fag tonight before I go to sleep content in the knowledge I'll have the last laugh!

Build a man a fire and you keep him warm for the night, set a man on fire and you keep him warm for the rest of his life.

 

[Cavalol]

Came home after a week away and found three-metre high holes in the skirting boards.
Should have fitted those giraffe excluders.

 

[Cavalol]

I had my portrait painted by Morten Harket, the lead singer of A-ha.
It's a very good take on me.

 

[Cavalol]

Diesel for sale, £1.10 per litre. Slight redness in colour due to poor camera skills

 

[PaulB]

I just got to the front of the queue for petrol. I was so emotional I started filling up.

 

[Cavalol]

I just bought a cottage by the Menai Strait in Wales and I've found an oil painting in the attic. I'm going to take it to the Antiques Roadshow, I think it's an original Van Gogogoch.

 

[craigwend]

 

[Richard A Thackeray]

 

[craigwend]

 

[twentysix by twentyfive]

I've just made an appointment at the Dentist. "When is it?" 2:30

 

[roadrash]

Mod Note: Please remove the political discussion from this thread - or take it to the CC News and Current Affairs forum. Thanks.