Any good jokes ... ?

[AndyRM]

Many people have heard of Bob Ross the American painter but not many know he had a brother called Albert......known for his 6 foot wingspan.

Your coat, sir.

 

[JohnCl]

I wish it was.

Diesel @ £1.62/litre = £7.35/gallon
Beer @ £4.55/pint (which is what I paid on Tuesday night) = £36.40/gallon!

Still cheaper to fill-up in the pub

 

[raleighnut]

Many people have heard of Bob Ross the American painter but not many know he had a brother called Albert......known for his 6 foot wingspan.

Strange thing is Fleetwood Mac used to refer to 'that' song as Albert Ross.

 

[markemark]

Strange thing is Fleetwood Mac used to refer to 'that' song as Albert Ross.

Seems below par to me....

 

[Dave7]

Last week I put £100 of fuel in my car.
Today, in court, I was fined £60.00.
Follow me for more money saving tips

 

[Cavalol]

My boss called me today at 9.15 this morning and said, "Where the hell are you?"
I said, "I'm relaxing in the garden with my mate Dave. I'm already on my fourth can of lager."
"I don't f***ing believe you!" he shouted.
"Hang on," I said, holding the phone away from me. "Dave, isn't this my fourth can?"

 

[DRM]

Is it? I quite like it esp earlier in the day ..🤣

It's quite refreshing during a stroll round the park

 

[raleighnut]

Seems below par to me....

Nah none of the band played on the recording. Peter did it all himself so the rest of em had to learn what he'd played to perform it live.

But then they were all a 'pisstaking' bunch........................Who else wrote a song about 'self-gratifying'* or played live with the 6th member of the band Harold a foot long lifelike dildo attached to the bass drumhead.

*Rattle Snake Shake

 

[markemark]

Nah none of the band played on the recording. Peter did it all himself so the rest of em had to learn what he'd played to perform it live.

But then they were all a 'pisstaking' bunch........................Who else wrote a song about 'self-gratifying'* or played live with the 6th member of the band Harold a foot long lifelike dildo attached to the bass drumhead.

*Rattle Snake Shake

Sorry, terrible golf joke.

 

[tyred]

 

[Dave7]

I've Just published a book about poltergeists.
Its flying off the shelves.

 

[tyred]

 

[Hover Fly]

I

View attachment 803744

Years ago my ma kept a pub, one night a man was called to the phone in the lobby, before he went he scribbled a note “I have spit in this beer” and put his nearly full glass on it, When the chap returned, someone had scribbled”So have I” on the bottom of the note.

 

[Supersuperleeds]

Do you remember when 'Diamond White' came out in the 80's, marketed and priced as a 'premium' drink
Now the 'breakfast of choice' of a certain group of people.

A blastaway was very popular for a time in Beverley, bottle of Diamond White and a bottle of Castaway mixed. Would have been early 90's

 

[Mr Celine]

I'm putting all my money into stocks. I've bought a ton each of chicken, beef and vegetable cubes.

This time next year I'll be a boullionaire.