Any good jokes ... ?

[cisamcgu]

Took me a while.

I don't get it ...

 

[Shortfall]

I don't get it ...

It's Joan Armatrading. Armour Trading?

 

[cisamcgu]

It's Joan Armatrading. Armour Trading?

Oh...ok, I didn't recognise her, hence the joke whizzing over my head - thanks

 

[Dumpty]

 

[Dave7]

On the train and a guy showed me a photo of his wife. He said "isnt she beautiful".
I said, "if you think she's beautiful you should see my wife".
He said "why, is she a stunner"?
I said "no, she's an optician".

 

[Toshiba Boy]

 

[Dumpty]

I'm pretty sure that the best cure for a persistent cough is to stop drinking milk.



My elderly neighbour had a terrible, hacking cough for months on end, but since he started just leaving his milk on his doorstep a couple of weeks ago, it seems to have cleared up completely.

 

[Seevio]

I'm starting a restaurant that just serves vindaloo on jacket potatoes. It's called "Curry on my wayward spud" and yes, there'll be peas when you are done.

 

[Dave7]

I went to a funeral last week.
After the service I asked the widow if I could say a word. She said yes so I stood up and said "plethora".
She thanked me and said "that means a lot".

 

[Dumpty]

I went into a caravan showroom the other day and said to the salesman: "I'd like to buy a motorhome."



He said "Camper?"



I said "Oooo, get you, I'd like to buy a motorhome, sweetie."

 

[Dumpty]

I was in town earlier and passed a pet shop with a sign "Netherlands Cats - Very Rare, £6000. Underneath was a photo of a bright orange cat, labelled "Direct from Holland".

I was somewhat sceptical but intrigued, so ventured inside to make further enquiries.

"Excuse me", I said, "But can you tell me, exactly how Dutch is that moggie in the window?

 

[tyred]

I see fuel prices have come down.

 

[FishFright]

Gandhi walked barefoot so had large callouses . He also ate little so was generally frail . His odd diet gave him bad breath.

So basically he was a super calloused, fragile mystic, hexed by halitosis

 

[postman]

Can anyone pronounce this Welsh town or village,LLDLDDLL,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,oh sorry it Man Utds last eight results.

 

[postman]

I noticed an old lady struggling with her shopping bags in Aldi,i went over and asked ,can you manage,she told me to pass off,i don't want the Manchester United job.