postman
Squire
- Location
- Meanwoodshire.
Manchester ground staff have won this years best pitch. award Asked how they did it they replied have you seen how much manure we put on it every other week.
Any good jokes ... ?
- Thread starter cisamcgu
- Start date
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Dumpty
Senior Member
Julius Caesar and Pompey the Great were rivals for the position of First Consul of Rome.
They spoke before the Senate, putting forward their cases for election to the post, by recounting their deeds in the service of Rome.
"When the Gauls attacked Rome, I defended the city," Pompey said, "and drove them out killing 100,000 Gauls."
"I invaded Gaul," Caesar said, "and I too slew 100,000 Gauls."
So the Senate gave the position to Caesar because in Europe away Gauls count double.
They spoke before the Senate, putting forward their cases for election to the post, by recounting their deeds in the service of Rome.
"When the Gauls attacked Rome, I defended the city," Pompey said, "and drove them out killing 100,000 Gauls."
"I invaded Gaul," Caesar said, "and I too slew 100,000 Gauls."
So the Senate gave the position to Caesar because in Europe away Gauls count double.
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Raging_Pixie
Active Member
Just think how stupid the average person is and then remind yourself that half the population are more stupid than that.
Dumpty
Senior Member
A blonde who had been unemployed for several months got a job with the Highways people. She was to paint lines down the centre of a rural road. The supervisor told her that she was on probation and that she must stay at or above the set average of 2 miles per day to remain employed.
The blonde agreed to the conditions and started right away.
The supervisor checking up at the end of the day, found that the blonde had completed 4 miles on her first day, double the average! “Great,” he told her, “I think you’re really going to work out.”
The next day, however, he was disappointed to find that the blonde only accomplished 2 miles. The supervisor thought, “Well she’s still at the average and I don’t want to discourage her, so I’ll just keep quiet.”
The third day however the blonde only did one mile and the boss thought, “I need to talk to her before this gets any worse.”
The boss pulled the new employee in and says, “You were doing so great. The first day you did 4 miles, the second day 2 miles, but yesterday you only did one mile. Why? Is there a problem? An injury, equipment failure? What’s keeping you from meeting the 2 mile minimum?”
The blonde replied, “Well, each day I keep getting farther and farther away from the paint tin.”
The blonde agreed to the conditions and started right away.
The supervisor checking up at the end of the day, found that the blonde had completed 4 miles on her first day, double the average! “Great,” he told her, “I think you’re really going to work out.”
The next day, however, he was disappointed to find that the blonde only accomplished 2 miles. The supervisor thought, “Well she’s still at the average and I don’t want to discourage her, so I’ll just keep quiet.”
The third day however the blonde only did one mile and the boss thought, “I need to talk to her before this gets any worse.”
The boss pulled the new employee in and says, “You were doing so great. The first day you did 4 miles, the second day 2 miles, but yesterday you only did one mile. Why? Is there a problem? An injury, equipment failure? What’s keeping you from meeting the 2 mile minimum?”
The blonde replied, “Well, each day I keep getting farther and farther away from the paint tin.”
Toshiba Boy
N+1er
- Location
- By the beach, West Zummerzet
I bought my wife a mood ring.
It turns black when she's annoyed.
Not sure if it does any other colours.
It turns black when she's annoyed.
Not sure if it does any other colours.
BigSid
Legendary Member
- Location
- Hungerford
