Any good jokes ... ?

[ufkacbln]

 

[machew]

I have just been watching a programme about beavers.

It's the best dam programme I have seen for years.

 

[CharlieB]

I bumped into David Byrne the other day. I asked him 'how's it going?'
'Same as it ever was, same as it ever was'

 

[PeteXXX]

My new girlfriend is so stupid..

She thought that an itchy fanny was a type of Japanese motorbike.

 

[Hitchington]

Dogs can't operate MRI scanners.
But catscan.

 

[gaz71]

I told my missus that she was drawing her eyebrows on too high.........she looked surprised.

 

[Dave7]

2 old women were waiting for a bus when a streaker went past.
One of the old women had a stroke.
The other one just couldn't reach.

 

[TVC]

Heirloom recipes are so precious. One mouthful of Nana's diesel and mescaline chicken and it's like her Harley never went off that bridge.

 

[TVC]

I told my missus that she was drawing her eyebrows on too high.........she looked surprised.

I told my wife I thought she had over done it with the botox, she didn't look surprised.

 

[ufkacbln]

Dogs can't operate MRI scanners.
But catscan.

Dags , HAmsters, and even Goldfish can operate a PET Scan

 

[ufkacbln]

I told my wife I thought she had over done it with the botox, she didn't look surprised.

Bzzt repetition (24th October)

 

[TwickenhamCyclist]

Today I bought myself some sensible walking boots and a rucksack and went to the New Forest, walked for 3 miles stopped and sat on a stone wall and had a flask of coffee. Then I walked a further 3 miles, had a biscuit and then i..........
Sorry, I'm rambling!

 

[glenn forger]

A driver told me today, 'You're no advert for cycling.' I said, 'You're no advert for the Vauxhall Zafira.' She looked puzzled.

 

[john59]

A chicken goes into the local library, up to the counter..
and says to the librarian..."bok"!
The librarian gives the chicken a book,, then the chicken goes home.
Next day the chicken comes in again and this time says "bok, bok"!!
The librarian gives the chicken two books, and off if goes home.
next day the chicken is back again. This time it asks for "bok, bok, bok, bok, bok!"
"That's five books!" the bemused librarian says. She gives the chicken 5 more books and the chicken turns to leave the library.
This time the librarian decided to follow the chicken, keen to find out how this chicken is reading books so quickly.
The chicken arrives at home goes inside. The librarian looks through the window of the chicken's home, and sees a poorly frog tucked up in bed. The chicken gives the books to the frog...... the frogs looks at each book and says......
"Reddit, reddit, reddit

 

[OskarTennisChampion]

Wayne Rooney said the match fixing allegations against his Father has not phased him.
And he is looking forward to the 3-1 win against Russia in the first Euro 16 game.