Any good jokes ... ?

[bruce1530]

Two roofers were working on the roof of a Catholic church. One drops his hammer down through the roof and they hear something smash.

One of the roofers goes down, and into the church. He meets the priest, who’s carrying the hammer.

“Did you drop this?” he asked?

“Yes”, says the roofer.

“It just missed me, and smashed a urinal.”

He takes his hammer back and goes back up onto the roof. His pal asked him what happened.

“The priest says we smashed a urinal."

“What’s a urinal?”

“Don’t ask me, I’m not a Catholic..."

 

[Threevok]

My neighbor says he can communicate with his dog.

I think he's talking pants

 

[Threevok]

I've just introduced Sister Theresa to the works of Socrates

She's nun the wiser

 

[Threevok]

At our local convenience, I was shocked to see a Cylon from Battlestar Galactica, flushing the toilets

The attendant reassured me this was just the old android operating cistern

 

[Threevok]

After 30 years, our local carpenter who developed an allergy to sawdust, has decided to throw in the dowel

 

[ClichéGuevara]

The kids threw up when I told them I'd put ginger in the curry.

Bless 'em, they really loved that cat.

 

[PaulB]

A man has just been run over by a red lorry, then a yellow lorry, then a red lorry, then a yellow lorry...

The police said there was no easy way to tell his family.

 

[welsh dragon]

Irish pub menu.

7 course meal
6 pints and a potatoe

 

[Lullabelle]

I have just been diagnosed with gammon flu, I used to have swine flu but they cured me.

 

[GM]

 

[subaqua]

I have just been diagnosed with gammon flu, I used to have swine flu but they cured me.

Isn’t that what most brexiteers have ...

 

[colly]

What is the difference between a badly dressed cyclist and a well dressed unicyclist ?



Attire !

 

[Ming the Merciless]

A homesick elephant that escaped from London Zoo has been recaptured after it tried to mount a jumbo at Gatwick Airport.

 

[ClichéGuevara]

I taught my dog to play the trumpet on the London Underground



it took him an hour to get from Barking to Tooting...

 

[ClichéGuevara]

My therapist told me to write letters to all the people I hate, and then burn them.

I followed his advise and I feel a lot better now, but I'm not sure what to do with all these letters.