Any good jokes ... ?

[Smokin Joe]

A church steeple with a lightning rod on top is a prime example of a lack of confidence.

 

[Deleted member 26715]

Tell me about it. I tried to put in a joke about iPhones and it didn't have a clue.

Just like anybody who buys one

 

[Cavalol]

I wore steel toe capped shoes when using my new metal detector.


I'm just finding my feet.

 

[Cavalol]

How does the Queen hold her hair up?


With jubilee clips.

 

[simon the viking]

How does the Queen hold her hair up?


With jubilee clips.

Are you sure she uses genuine trade named Jubilee clips or just a generic hose clip that her valet has bought from a local hardware shop?

just asking....

 

[Cavalol]

Actually, she uses heir clips.

 

[NorthernDave]

Actually, she uses heir clips.

No, you're thinking of Prince Charles.

 

[Joey Shabadoo]

Actually, she uses heir clips.

'Allo?

 

[Cavalol]

If my cat composes one more tune I'm having him orchestrated.

 

[raleighnut]

If my cat composes one more tune I'm having him orchestrated.

View: https://youtu.be/6OtKNEc6Uoo

 

[morrisman]

After you die, what part of your body is the last to stop working?
Your pupils. They dilate.

 

[Llankey43]

I've booked my first appointment at gamblers anonymous.
I was told to come in at ten to one.

 

[Smokin Joe]

Irish confession box -

"Bless me Father for I have sinned, that car I sold you last week Father, the back axle was whining so I put sawdust in the oil and the big ends were knocking so I retarded the ignition..."

 

[PaulB]

 

[PaulB]

I was in the pub last night and a man came in wearing a black short-sleeved shirt and black shorts. He had a whistle round his neck and a red card and yellow card clearly visible in his top pocket. I thought, 'It's going to kick off in here any minute.'