Any good jokes ... ?

[CharlesF]

Wife: I'm pregnant.


Dad: Hi pregnant, I’m dad.


Wife: No, you’re not.

 

[betty swollocks]

I've just been duped by a knowledgeable fish.

Yes it was a well read herring.

 

[Lullabelle]

 

[morrisman]

Are these knickers satin?
No, they are brand new.

 

[Arjimlad]

 

[Profpointy]

View attachment 476099

Apparently that's not actually a joke either !

 

[LeetleGreyCells]

 

[Cavalol]

I've heard that a load of Microsoft software has fallen off the back of a lorry. That’s the Word on the street.

 

[Joey Shabadoo]

Allegedly, during his first term, the Clintons used to take a break from the White House by jumping in a car and visiting old friends. On one of these trips to Little Rock, Arkansas they stopped to get petrol and Bill was highly amused to see one of Hilary's old boyfriends was running the petrol station.

He mocked, "Now look, if you'd married that guy instead of me, where would you be today?"

Hilary dryly replied, "Married to the President"

 

[SpokeyDokey]

Topical joke:

I was thinking of trying that new restaurant on the moon...

...but I heard it had no atmosphere.

***

Edit: I only got one like for this - that's a joke!

 

[flake99please]

A little risqué perhaps ....

Due to NHS cost savings sperm banks have made changes to where you make your ‘donations’.

Instead of the old plastic pot/lid combo, you now use a padded envelope.

I had no problem with the new method, and I came in a Jiffy.

 

[PK99]

 

[Joey Shabadoo]

I invented a new word yesterday.

"Plagiarism"

 

[morrisman]

What happened to the guy who had a fetish for population statistics?
He finally came to his census.

 

[betty swollocks]