Any good jokes ... ?

[CharlesF]

Purchased a deodorant stick today.


Instructions say "remove cap & push up bottom"


I can hardly walk but when I fart the room smells lovely.

 

[PaulSB]

Jesus saves
But Toshack scores on the rebound

Popular in Liverpool at one time:

What will you do when Jesus comes?

Move St John to outside left.

 

[Cavalol]

My dog tried to sell books of his poetry, but none of the bark odes would scan.

 

[Dave7]

Popular in Liverpool at one time:

What will you do when Jesus comes?

Move St John to outside left.

I recall that (in the 60s I think, maybe early 70s).

 

[PaulSB]

I recall that (in the 60s I think, maybe early 70s).

Definitely the Shankly era. I recall a story it was a huge poster in Liverpool and the second line was added underneath as graffiti. It's a long story but I used to watch Liverpool a lot in the late 60s/early 70s and I well remember the story.

 

[betty swollocks]

My mum, bless her, is constantly disappointed by those spreads masquerading as butter substitutes.

But she never complains.

In fact, I can't believe she's not bitter.

 

[Smokin Joe]

The Catholic church has brought out a communion wafer for slimmers. It's called "I can't believe it's not Jesus".

 

[Dave7]

Definitely the Shankly era. I recall a story it was a huge poster in Liverpool and the second line was added underneath as graffiti. It's a long story but I used to watch Liverpool a lot in the late 60s/early 70s and I well remember the story.

And me. I lived in Wallasey and went to all the home matches and some aways from approx 1964 to 69. I then "emigrated" to Warrington and continued to go to home matches.
That slogan WHAT WILL YOU DO WHEN JESUS RETURNS was on a church hoarding. As I recall (maybe wrong) someone had written "play him at right half and move Tommy Smith to the wing" but I am sure there were variations.

 

[Dave7]

George Washington. I cannot tell a lie.
Richard Nixon. I cannot tell the truth.
Donald Trump. I cannot tell the difference.

 

[raleighnut]

George Washington. I cannot tell a lie.
Richard Nixon. I cannot tell the truth.
Donald Trump. I cannot tell the difference.

Boris Johnson. Eerrrrrrrr..................Well................errrrrm................ ahaaaaaaa well of course.

 

[mistyoptic]

Pinched from FB. Too good not to

 

[Cavalol]

The only England rugby player that Muslims are allowed to eat is Lawrence Halalio.

 

[Cavalol]

"Good morrow to thee. How fare'st thou, noble sirrah?" Asked my olde English teacher, yesterday.

 

[alicat]

^^^^ Come again?

 

[Dave7]

^^^^ Come again?

Its his 'olde' english teacher so he speaks 'olde' english.