Any good jokes ... ?

[Arjimlad]

 

[benb]

Just read a book called Parachuting For Beginners by Hugo First

I'm reading 'A Nail on the Bannister' by R. Saul Tornaway.

I just finished a book about an organist's assistant.
It was a real page turner.

 

[Deleted member 26715]

Awarded best joke at this years Edinburgh Fringe.

I keep randomly shouting out 'Broccoli' and 'Cauliflower' - I think I might have florets.

#1 is "I keep randomly shouting out 'Broccoli' and 'Cauliflower' - I think I might have florets".

#2 - #10 ...

"Someone stole my antidepressants. Whoever they are, I hope they're happy" - Richard Stott

"What's driving Brexit? From here it looks like it's probably the Duke of Edinburgh" - Milton Jones

"A cowboy asked me if I could help him round up 18 cows. I said, 'Yes, of course. - That's 20 cows'" - Jake Lambert

"A thesaurus is great. There's no other word for it" - Ross Smith

"Sleep is my favourite thing in the world. It's the reason I get up in the morning" - Ross Smith

"I accidentally booked myself onto an escapology course; I'm really struggling to get out of it" - Adele Cliff

"After learning six hours of basic semaphore, I was flagging - Richard Pulsford

"To be or not to be a horse rider, that is Equestrian" - Mark Simmons

"I've got an Eton-themed advent calendar, where all the doors are opened for me by my dad's contacts" - Ivo Graham


and another from the winner might actually be the best of the lot?
On his joke claiming the top spot, Falafel said: "This is a fantastic honour but it's like I've always said, jokes about white sugar are rare, jokes about brown sugar... demerara."

 

[glasgowcyclist]

"Someone stole my antidepressants. Whoever they are, I hope they're happy" - Richard Stott

He's over a year behind with that one!

To the thieving git who stole my anti-depressants... I hope you're happy now.

 

[Deleted member 26715]

He's over a year behind with that one!

Don't shoot the messenger I'm firing blanks

 

[Davos87]

My father always said, “In my theatre you must always have them begging for more”
He was a great dad... but a terrible anaesthetist.

Read this yesterday & it tickled me.

 

[bruce1530]

What’s the difference between a well-dressed man on a unicycle and a scruffily-dressed man on a bicycle?

Attire.

 

[Cavalol]

For me, the sixties ended the day I sold my old camper van.




December 31st, 1969.

 

[pjd57]

Awarded best joke at this years Edinburgh Fringe.

I keep randomly shouting out 'Broccoli' and 'Cauliflower' - I think I might have florets.

If that's the best they have I'm glad I don't go to Edinburgh festival events

 

[Archie_tect]

Jokes depend on how receptive you are at the time... I can't get BBC1 most days.

 

[swee'pea99]

If that's the best they have I'm glad I don't go to Edinburgh festival events

The whole top ten would not look out of place on this thread.

I leave it to others to decide whether that's a compliment.

 

[Joey Shabadoo]

Awarded best joke at this years Edinburgh Fringe.

I keep randomly shouting out 'Broccoli' and 'Cauliflower' - I think I might have florets.

Edinburgh Fringe: Tourette's charity wants apology over award-winning joke

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-49395718

 

[Cavalol]

That's pathetic. It's a play on words, not knocking a disability.

 

[Dave7]

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-49395718

And his reply was........

 

[Paulus]

I try to tell jokes about Ironing,

But they always fall flat.