Any good jokes ... ?

[Cavalol]

My top 3 assumptions when the doorbell rings:
1. A murderer.
2. Police telling me everyone is dead.
3. That book I ordered about positive thinking has finally arrived.

 

[betty swollocks]

 

[betty swollocks]

 

[raleighnut]

View attachment 496114

 

[cisamcgu]

New children's best seller, or a Palace biography about Andrew ?

 

[betty swollocks]

 

[ClichéGuevara]

A little girl goes to a pet shop and asks, "Excuthe me. Do you have any widdle wabbits?"

The shopkeeper's heart melts, he gets down on his knees so that he is on her level and says, "Do you want a widdle white wabbit or a thoft, fluffy bwack wabbit, or one like that widdle bwown one over there?"

The little girl blushes, rocks on her heels, puts her hands on her knees, leans forward and whispers.

"I don't wealy fink my pyfon gives a f***!"

 

[PaulB]

I was going out with a girl who works in the clothes department at Marks and Spencers. I had to pack her in, she wouldn't let me try anything on.

 

[Threevok]

I have to stop bench pressing in my Ninja outfit

Nobody will spot me

 

[gaz71]

Studies show that cows produce more milk when the farmer talks to them.

Its a case of in one ear and out the udder.

 

[ClichéGuevara]

 

[CharlesF]

I asked the toy store assistant where the Arnold Schwarzenegger action figures were.

She replied: “Aisle B, back.”

 

[Cavalol]

I bought my wife a bucket with a rope attached for Christmas.

That will go down well.

 

[PeteXXX]

Big sale on live turkeys in store today.
You'll have to be quick though as they're flying of the shelves!

 

[PK99]