Any good jokes ... ?

[Cavalol]

I mixed a couple of tubes of 'Deep Heat' into my wife's tub of moisturiser. You should have seen her little face light up.

 

[Cavalol]

Took my 6yr old grandson to see Father Christmas yesterday and he stank of booze and fags .


God knows what Santa thought .

 

[screenman]

 

[morrisman]

A truckload of wicker food baskets filled with Christmas goodies has overturned on the M62, causing long delays. Police say recovery efforts have been hampered.

 

[Smokin Joe]

Dianne Abbot was on Celebrity Mastermind last night. She thought Sugar Diabetes was a Welsh boxer.

 

[Cavalol]

I was told my granddad served on a mimesweeper during the war.”

"Shouldn't that be a minesweeper?"

“I don't know - he'd never talk about it.”

 

[Mr Celine]

 

[Cavalol]

I can't get 10cc's 'I'm not in love' out of my head.

Hopefully it's just a silly phase I'm going through.

 

[betty swollocks]

 

[Cavalol]

Just saw a poor old woman slip over and knock herself out on the ice.



I'm guessing she was poor anyway, as she only had 86p in her purse.

 

[CharlesF]

My daughter wanted a Cinderella themed birthday party,

So I made her and all her friends clean the house.

 

[CharlesF]

Bought the wife some Meatloaf knickers for Christmas.

The front says "I will do anything for love"

On the rear it says "but I won't do that"

 

[ClichéGuevara]

The dog ran off last night, so there I was walking round the park calling his name for 20 minutes but I couldn't find him.
My wife said I should look harder.
So I shaved my head and got a tattoo.
But I still can't find the bloody dog!

 

[Cavalol]

My wife and I agreed that I wouldn't tell any dyslexia jokes after we were married. It's written in our pre-puntials.

 

[betty swollocks]

A bit of advice:-
never do a runner from an Ethiopian restaurant.