Any good jokes ... ?

[roadrash]

Last valentines day I thought I would treat Mrs roadrash so I booked a table for 8pm I really wish I hadn't bothered, it was 9:30 before she potted her first red ball.....never again

 

[Dayvo]

I’ve got a dog called Cigarette, who was born without any legs. Three times a day, I take him out for a drag.

Last time I heard that joke, Woodbines was all the rage. 🚬

(funny comment, not a joke disection).

😉

 

[Threevok]

Mrs V was reminiscing about the old Milk Tray adverts

"I wish someone all in black would sneak into my bedroom and leave me a present at the bottom of the bed"

So, on the eve of Valentines day, I intend leave the bedroom door ajar and hide the cat's litter tray.

 

[PeteXXX]

My wife asked for some flowers on Valentines Day.

I hope self raising & plain are OK..

 

[The Bystander]

Flour arranging - not as easy as it sounds.

 

[Threevok]

As romantic gestures go, Mrs V has asked for a signed copy of Fifty Shades

I don't know why. Her hearing is perfectly fine

 

[glasgowcyclist]

Of all the pharaohs, the most disapproving was King Tut.

 

[Threevok]

Last year I gave Mrs V a ring from Cartier

Nice of them to let me use the telephone for personal calls

 

[Sharky]

My OH wanted something with diamonds ...

so I gave her a pack of playing cards.

 

[PaulB]

My wife asked me get her something silk for Valentines day.


I hope she likes Dulux Apple White.

My wife asked me to get her coat in animal fur for Christmas but she hasn't worn that donkey jacket yet.

 

[Threevok]

My wife asked me to get her coat in animal fur for Christmas but she hasn't worn that donkey jacket yet.

Max Boyce Circa 1978

Please don't tell the Port Talbot one

 

[postman]

My wife asked me get her something silk for Valentines day.


I hope she likes Dulux Apple White.

Mrs Postman said she would like a second coat.So i got two tins.

 

[Hitchington]

Knock knock
Who's there?
Dishes
Dishes who?
Dishes Sean Connery

 

[Profpointy]

As romantic gestures go, Mrs V has asked for a signed copy of Fifty Shades

I don't know why. Her hearing is perfectly fine

I own up that I did have to read that twice

 

[betty swollocks]