Any good jokes ... ?

[lazybloke]

In honour of our Hermes delivery drivers lets clap outside our doors sometime between 9am and 8pm.

For full accuracy:
- clap from someone else's door, possibly in the next county
- clap from the flat roof
- clap from inside your wheelie bin (especially on collection day)

Bonus points to the person who clapped 3 days late.

 

[Cavalol]

I saw a grave stone earlier.



It was in the middle of a load of happy stones.

 

[Chris S]

The NHS said a mask and gloves were enough to go to the supermarket. They lied, everybody else had clothes on.

 

[Cavalol]

 

[Cavalol]

Lionel Witchie

 

[PeteXXX]

 

[Cavalol]

I often eat little cogs, springs and winders.

It tastes awful, but makes me as regular as clockwork.

 

[Cavalol]

I can remember my grandad saying to me on his death bed, that he wished he'd bought a normal bed instead.

 

[burntoutbanger]

I also remember my Grandad's last words,

"Stop shaking the ladder, you little sh!t!"

 

[Seevio]

The World Health Organisation has finally announced that dogs cannot contract the Covid-19 virus. Dogs previously held in quarantine can now be released.

In other words, WHO let the dogs out!

 

[colly]

I shouted through the letterbox: 'Thanks for the groceries and essential items. Just leave them on the step.'

Mrs Colly: 'Just open the bloody door.'

 

[Maverick Goose]

" Corona mate? I'd rather have a Fosters!"

 

[Seevio]

 

[Nibor]

Greggs have announced plans to start a delivery service using drones...
All sounds a bit pie in the sky to me.

Greggs don't sell pies?

 

[morrisman]

Greggs don't sell pies?