Any good jokes ... ?

[Dayvo]

Read that bit again when she burns her mouth badly on my porridge!

 

[Dayvo]

 

[Chris S]

A friend in Germany tells me that everyone is panic buying sausages and cheese. It's the Wurst Kase scenario.

 

[Chris S]

 

[Dave7]

We had a new chimney built yesterday.
The builder refused payment.
He said it was on the house.

 

[PeteXXX]

 

[Cavalol]

Why can’t Middle Eastern snacks go cycling?

Because they falafel the time.

 

[Cavalol]

I managed to build a car entirely out of spare washing machine parts. Tomorrow, I'll try taking it out for a spin.

 

[Moon bunny]

I paid a cabinet maker £2000 for a custom-made double bed. The so-and-so’s done a bunk.

 

[morrisman]

When the pianner plays
And you eat canapés
That's a soirée

 

[PaulB]

My top 3 assumptions when the doorbell rings:
1. Murderer
2. The police telling me everyone is dead
3. The book I ordered about positive thinking

 

[Moon bunny]

I have just surprised the postman by going to the door naked.
I don’t know whether he was most surprised by my being naked or my knowing where he lives.

 

[Dayvo]

 

[Joey Shabadoo]

 

[rikki]

View attachment 547105

The monkey he got drunk
Slid down the elephant's trunk ...

Nothing in that song about beating a lion with a stick.