Any good jokes ... ?

[Cavalol]

As I stood swaying from side to side at the British Airways ticket desk last night, the guy looked at me and said, "Can I help?"
"Yes," I slurred, unzipping my superman costume and pulling my wallet out, "One ticket to Amsterdam please."
"You're unable to fly, sir." he replied, "You're far too drunk."
I said, "I know mate, that's why I'm getting a plane.

 

[Cavalol]

Just joined the local Dyslexia Brass Band.

I play the Toblerone.

 

[Chris S]

 

[Chris S]

 

[PeteXXX]

Spotted at my local shopping centre..

 

[PeteXXX]

 

[postman]

I have bought a fountain pen,that writes underwater.It writes other words too.

 

[Arjimlad]

 

[Dayvo]

 

[Cavalol]

Turns out Godzilla had a son.

Jesuszilla.

 

[Cavalol]

I'm going to open a restaurant and start awarding prizes to tyre companies. See how Michelin flipping well like it.

 

[Beebo]

I saw that Mark Knopler begging last night. He must be in dire straits.

I was watching a Live Aid documentary. A police woman was asked to arrange for a police escort for two men in dire straits. She asked what was wrong with them before she could arrange the escort.

 

[Cavalol]

 

[Dayvo]

View attachment 558635

Where's Richard Hammond?

 

[twentysix by twentyfive]

Y'awl will be aware that the Scotland fitba team qualified for the Euro finals to be played next year. Their group competitors include England which means an attractive fixture between both countries next June. Not surprisingly there has been a rush for tickets for the match at Wembley and a Scots acquaintance of mine bought a ticket, as did several of his mates. He didn't realise when he bought it that the game was on the same day as his Covid-19 postponed wedding. For anybody interested, he is looking for someone to take his place.

It's at Hamilton Registry Office at 2.30 pm. The Bride's name is Moira, she's 5'4", about 8 stone, quite pretty, has her own income and is a really good cook.