Any good jokes ... ?

[tyred]

 

[craigwend]

 

[gbb]

Courtesy of Mark Simmons..
I was sunbathing on the beach with my shIrt off and a really attractive lady walked past and said 'you must work out'

I told her thanks very much....

She said 'no, you really MUST work out'

 

[Dave7]

A guy is sat down when his wife smacks him on the back of the head with a rolled up magazine.
Ow!!! What was that for he asks.
She says "I just found a piece of paper in your coat, it has the name Laura Lee on it".
He says "when I went to the races that was the name of a horse. I bought you those flowers with the winnings".
She says "I'm so sorry darling, I should have known better".

Next day she smacks him round the head with the frying pan. When he woke up he asks "what was that for"?
She said "your horse just telephoned"

 

[Profpointy]

A guy is sat down when his wife smacks him on the back of the head with a rolled up magazine.
Ow!!! What was that for he asks.
She says "I just found a piece of paper in your coat, it has the name Laura Lee on it".
He says "when I went to the races that was the name of a horse. I bought you those flowers with the winnings".
She says "I'm so sorry darling, I should have known better".

Next day she smacks him round the head with the frying pan. When he woke up he asks "what was that for"?
She said "your horse just telephoned"

One of my better quips was driving back from a work social event with a couple of my bosses and my Mrs in the car. My phone rang whilst I was driving so I handed it to my boss to answer and he wittily said "who's sexy Susie?" as a tease. I answered "That's my pet name for your wife" for once thinking of the riposte in the moment rather than a day later

 

[Dave7]

A guy says to his wife "my mate at the pub claims our postman has slept with every woman in our street, apart from one".
His wife says "I bet its that stuck up bitch at No 21".

 

[matticus]

View attachment 779693

The older version of that:
- What did the English graduate say to the science graduate?
- Do you want Fries with that?

 

[Chris S]

 

[postman]

My mate has just told me he is going to a Pride event in Barnsley.He has never set foot in South Yorkshire never mind Barnsley,anyway i told him he must wear a fox hat.He replied Barnsley wear a fox hat.

 

[matticus]

View attachment 779713

Definitely a pattern here. You all right Chris?