Any good jokes ... ?

[Dave7]

A divorced woman puts an ad for a new husband in the paper. In part it read.......
Must not beat me.
Must not run away from me.
Must be good in bed.
Next day the doorbell rings and she answers it to find a guy in a wheel chair. He has no arms and no legs.
When she points the fact out to him he says......
"No arms means I can't beat you"
"No legs means I can't run away from you"
She asks "how do I know you are good in bed"?
He says "I rang the bell didn't I".

 

[Toshiba Boy]

 

[Chris S]

 

[tyred]

 

[Cavalol]

 

[tyred]

 

[Toshiba Boy]

 

[PeteXXX]

In the papers today it says that eating oily fish helps to stop deafness.

Good news for the hard of herring.

 

[Jameshow]

View attachment 786788

That was me with my boarder Collie/ jack Russell cross!!

 

[Jameshow]

View attachment 786782

Trying to think which road that is?!🤔

 

[ebikeerwidnes]

That was me with my boarder Collie/ jack Russell cross!!

Yes - ever tried to keep hold of a determined German Shepard covered in soap???

 

[raleighnut]

Yes - ever tried to keep hold of a determined German Shepard covered in soap???

Yep then I found out my lad loved the hosepipe and I mean loved it. He'd snap at the water stream, chase it round the garden and leap in the air if you squirted it in the air, Nay sweat to get a bit of shampoo on him then, all right you needed 'waterproofs' on but if you bathed him inside you'd need them too (Shepherds hold amazing amounts of water in that 'double coat')
Sabor used to get 'hosed off' quite often though cos he had a propensity for rolling in Fox 'scat'.............. I could always tell when he'd found some................running back to me with a stupid grin on his mush and tongue lolling out, all excited

 

[DaveReading]

Yes - ever tried to keep hold of a determined German Shepard covered in soap???

Let alone their dog ...

 

[Moon bunny]

I’ve just been talking to a friend in the industrial textiles business,
”How’s business?” I asked
”Not very good, the bottom has fallen out of the coal sack market.”

 

[Dave7]

A young wife is stroking her husbands head and asks "who eased your headaches before we were married"?
The husband replied " before we were married I didn't get any headaches".