Any good jokes ... ?

[Electric_Andy]

Me: Did I pass?
Driving examiner: *swimming away* No.

There was also a good Tommy Cooper sketch where he was on a motorcycle test and the examiner was in the side car. Tommy looks down and says "well, have I passed?" and the sidecar is empty

 

[postman]

My oldest mate rang me today,he was feeling down.
" What's wrong" i asked.
" Do you remember 60 years ago when Sandra's mum and dad caught me and Sandra in a compromising situation in her bedroom".
" yes " i replied
" you had to get engaged ,then you married at 18".
" Yes her parents insisted on it to save face,or they were going to get me thrown in jail".
" Well you have been with Sandra ever since,why are you sad".

" Today would have been my release day".

 

[tyred]

 

[ebikeerwidnes]

View attachment 796420

I remember driving through Upton (Dave might remember it!) in my 2CV (OK it was my Mum's)

and we had the top rolled back and my friend had my Dad's walking stick sticking out as a tank gun and was standing on the seat and saluting as we drove through the lights

He ended up in the Navy - I wasn;t surprised!

 

[dicko]

 

[AndyRM]

 

[ebikeerwidnes]

View attachment 796447

I have a few CDs that I would happily chuck in the fire!

 

[Cavalol]

I remember driving through Upton (Dave might remember it!) in my 2CV (OK it was my Mum's)

and we had the top rolled back and my friend had my Dad's walking stick sticking out as a tank gun and was standing on the seat and saluting as we drove through the lights

He ended up in the Navy - I wasn;t surprised!

I have to ask, was that the Upton in Chester, by any chance?

 

[mistyoptic]

I think this thread is the best place for this

 

[ebikeerwidnes]

I have to ask, was that the Upton in Chester, by any chance?

No - just Upton
it is at the top of the Wirral - a mile or so inshore from Moreton

Upton-by-Chester is posher - and has more animals (although the Woodchurch Estate has a few more aggressive ones if my friend who became a copper is correct!!)

 

[tyred]

 

[Cavalol]

In a few days time someone will ask you to do 'Dry January'.

It's very important you tell them to p*ss off.

 

[tyred]

Always put on a coat to answer the door.

If you're pleased to see them, just say you've just arrived home and invite them in.

If you don't want them in, say you're just on your way out.

 

[Andy in Germany]

Always put on a coat to answer the door.

If you're pleased to see them, just say you've just arrived home and invite them in.

If you don't want them in, say you're just on your way out.

I occasionally ride a bike for similar reasons: if I see someone I like I can stop, but if I don't want to talk to anyone, (as is usually the case) I can just keep pedalling.

 

[rikki]

Always put on a coat to answer the door.

If you're pleased to see them, just say you've just arrived home and invite them in.

If you don't want them in, say you're just on your way out.

A friend has a similar argument for leaving the vacuum cleaner in the hallway - "I was just about to start cleaning, but please come in and excuse the mess".