Any good jokes ... ?

[morrisman]

I turned down a job where I would be paid in vegetables.
The celery was unacceptable

 

[tyred]

 

[Cavalol]

 

[tyred]

 

[Dave7]

A guy goes to hospital with a broken arm.
The nurse asks for his name.
He says its Ju Ju Ju Ju Ju Jimmy.
The nurse says "my, that's a bad stutter, I will get the speech therapist to help you".
The guy says "I dont have a stutter. My Dad does and that a*sehole Doctor that completed my birth certificate".

 

[Dave7]

A mate asked me to for a drink. I said I couldnt as the meal was cooking.
He promised it would only be 30 minutes so I went.
That 90 minutes turned out to be the best 6 hours I've ever had.

 

[Dave7]

I got out of bed this morning as normal.
While putting my shirt on a button fell off.
I went to move my brief case and the handle fell off.
Went to open the door and the handle fell off.
I now need a pee but I'm frightened of going.

 

[Dave7]

My therapist advised me to write the names of people i dont like on separate lists and then throw them in the fire.
I've done that but now i dont know what to do with the lists.