Any tips for leaving work matters behind?

[chap]

I think the genuine advice that has been given on here is excellent, I would just like to add the following which I find interesting.

You need to identify each issue you are worrying about, best done in a bad moment, then with them all rank them in descending order of priority (top first least last.) For each issue afford a worst case scenario, and a rating of the likelihood. Next, write down what you CAN do to avoid or stop the issue. And note those over which you have no control of the outcome.

The aim of this exercise is to not only focus your mind on what the most important issues are but to realise what can be done against each. All the major religions I believe (I know that Judaism, and very much Christianity and Islam focus on this a lot) have the principle that you should go through life unburdened. This means that you ought to place the burden of your worries on the associated prophet and / or God, and deal with what you can, i.e. Adopt a proactive form of Stoicism. This needn't be religious, and works to be a mindset which almost every culture encourages - don't worry about the what ifs, you can only prepare to a certain extent.

With this work fits in very well, since it is not only unproductive but also burdensome to take all the accountability hence effective delegation where possible, assistance at other times, and distance in other issues. It would not be unreasonable to say that the 'best' performers do so by to an extent distancing (objectifying) some issues, and focusing on the issue (as the crux of this message advocates.)

The Germans have, to my knowledge, a very good division of work and personal life in that the 2 seldom meet. Now, if you have a family, you owe it to them not to bring these issues home, and if you have a wife you also owe it to her to help you through this. Many people adopt mantras, and I find that some even clichéd sayings work extremely well, especially proverbs such as 'What will be will be', and stuff about making mountains out of molehills. I suggest you focus on what you want immediately out of your life and work towards it piece by piece. If something does not go according to plan then view it as merely a state of affairs and focus on how to get where you wish to be.

Obviously, a good diet, regular exercise, and making time for sleep also works. I would recommend you reserve 9 hours to sleep - make the room conducive to sleep (old-fashioned heavy curtains), no TV within the last 30 mins, etc and if the mind chatters either listen to each thought without judgement, or repeat the mantras mechanically and listen to soft soothing music e.g. those Classical music sleep compilations, ambient music, soft Jazz, or Radio 3's through the night.

I also suggest you try meditation (as a poster mentioned above - esp. those involving deep steady long breaths and imagery of calm light flowing through the body)

Good luck.

 

[Greedo]

Oh and another thing you could try.

I'm a Celtic fan so I'm speaking from experience here. Tape Tony Mowbrays press conferences and play them back at bed time. You'll be out like a light after a min or two!!!!

 

[Shaun]

If you need a complete distraction from work - something that takes up hours and hours and hours of your time and keeps your mind well away from thoughts of work ... build a cycling forum ... it's worked for me.

 

[Greedo]

If you need a complete distraction from work - something that takes up hours and hours and hours of your time and keeps your mind well away from thoughts of work ... build a cycling forum ... it's worked for me.

I thought I kept you awake with the possibility of at any time posting something dodgy

 

[Salad Dodger]

Panter : sorry to read of your problems.

1) Go to the doctor and talk the problem over. I did this when I was in a spell of stress at work, and was surprised, and pleased, at how seriously it was treated. I feared I might get a "pull yourself together" type reaction, but I got a kind and sympathetic reception, some tablets to reduce anxiety, and a referral to a talking therapist.

2) If you work as part of a team at work, tell them what you are going through. You may need to take some time off to go for doctors appointments etc. , and by making it public your boss can't say that he/she was not aware of the situation. Plus you may be surprised at how supportive colleagues are if they know that you are having a difficult time.

I did both of the above and it helped me to get my life back in balance. I certainly don't want to make it sound as though I expected any particular help from my employer, but I did want them to know what the situation was and the best way I felt was to make it public, not keep it as some kind of a secret between me and my line manager.....

Best wishes to you

 

[rusky]

I've often wondered about ways of dealing with this problem.

The company I work for are too easy to point the finger if something goes wrong so for me, it's not a case of sod it I'll do it tomorrow, it's more like crap, I didn't have time (a phrase they hate!) but what kind of bollocking will I get for not doing it.

 

[XmisterIS]

Many thanks all, I really appreciate all the time taken.

There's loads of good stuff there, I'm going to quiety work through and put a plan together.
Some things I used to do, but I'd forgotten about, and they've slipped by the wayside.

Please don't read me wrong, the job isn't that bad and most of the time I sleep Ok and can generally switch off when at home.
It's just when things get difficult, like now, I find it very hard to shut down and I don't like the feeling of something else controlling me, if that makes sense (sorry, I'm tired )

Quitting isn't really an option, although if it ever gets to the stage where its getting too much, then I'll drop it in a heartbeat.
I always used to be adamant that NOTHING was more important than your (and your families) health so it's nice to be reminded of that.

Thanks again all,

If I may be so bold ('scuse the pun!), therein perhaps lies the problem!

'ain't nobody or nothing in control of you, 'cept yo-self!

 

[surfgurl]

I am really suffering with this at the moment too.
I try and go to sleep with the radio playing on headphones, or listening to podcasts. The Melvyn Bragg in our time podcasts are very useful for this. I don't think I have ever heard the whole hour all the way through as his voice sends me off to sleep in about 15 minutes!
I'm also considering going to the Dr to talk about my anxiety as it is causing mayhem with my OCD.
In the long term, I have a job interview next week.

 

[Norm]

In the long term, I have a job interview next week.

Good luck.

 

[twentysix by twentyfive]

+1

 

[Trumpettom001]

May I recommend a supplement called melatonin... It's £18 for a years supply, and makes you fall asleep alot quicker, but without the groggy mornings that other "sleeping pills" have... (i.e. it's a naturally produced hormone in the body, so as long as you don't go nuts with it, you should be fine)..

 

[Hugo15]

Interesting reading this thread. Similar thing happened to me a couple of years ago. Took too much on, recruited a guy to help who was rubbish - gut feeling at the interview told me as much but I thought I was desperate. So on top of too much work I now had a HR issue to deal with too! Taught me that it is better to have a gap in the team and keep looking than take the wrong person. Would wake in the early hours and be awake until it was time to get up. By the time I got to work I was so tired the work I was trying to do would take twice as long and I would get more stressed about the stuff I had to do. Got to the point where at times I wondered whether it was worth carrying on ...................

I ended up taking a step backwards in the team and they brought someone else into do the team management. Gave me time to get myself sorted out, and also realise that I was actually doing a pretty good job. The person who they brought in to do the team management role left and I assumed the responsibility again.

I'm now in a role that I am very comfortable in. In my heart I know I am capable of more but the scars run deep and there is no way I am going to those dark places again.

A couple of things really help me. The first is planning and writing lists of what I need to do. Having it written down stops you having to think about remember what you have to do. I also find cycle commuting has helped me unwind after a days work much more than when I drive.

 

[Kirstie]

I used to be like this in my last job and I found that taking Valerian helped - helps your brain switch off so you can go to sleep. I can feel myself slipping back into old ways because of terrible pressure that work are putting me under at the moment so I sympathise a lot.

 

[yoyo]

I have just come through a long period of unrelentless pressure and bullying at work. I was diagnosed with severe depression a year ago. A change of boss has made a massive difference but, like a poster said above, the scars run deep and I am now recovering from adrenal stress/ low adrenal reserve. I cannot take any pressure at all and react by feeling faint and only able to move very slowly (not good in a teaching job). I have taken both valerian and melatonin (separately) at different times and can recommend both but there are times when even they don't work.

 

[Kirstie]

I have just come through a long period of unrelentless pressure and bullying at work. I was diagnosed with severe depression a year ago. A change of boss has made a massive difference but, like a poster said above, the scars run deep and I am now recovering from adrenal stress/ low adrenal reserve. I cannot take any pressure at all and react by feeling faint and only able to move very slowly (not good in a teaching job). I have taken both valerian and melatonin (separately) at different times and can recommend both but there are times when even they don't work.

Hey you want to be VERY careful!! Have you heard of Addison's disease? It's where your adrenal glands blow up and don't work any more because of stress. Take it easy and don't be afraid to take time off. The world won't end if you do.