Appropriate insults to hurl at motorists

[mpemburn]

While I am blessed to have relatively few incidents per ride (IPR) of assholeo motorists to yell at, I feel that my vocabulary is somewhat constricted and could stand an upgrade. “You f**ker!”, “A**wipe!”, “F**kwit!” and the like seem tired and ineffectual. Since most of you are from a country that’s been speaking English (and hurling insults therein) for longer than mine, I turn to you for some more refined crudity.

Thanks in advance!

 

[Chris S]

In Sarf London the standard response seems to be, "You Muppet, you slag, you nonce!"

 

[vickster]

Cockwomble

 

[Landsurfer]

While I am blessed to have relatively few incidents per ride (IPR) of assholeo motorists to yell at, I feel that my vocabulary is somewhat constricted and could stand an upgrade. “You f**ker!”, “A**wipe!”, “F**kwit!” and the like seem tired and ineffectual. Since most of you are from a country that’s been speaking English (and hurling insults therein) for longer than mine, I turn to you for some more refined crudity.

Thanks in advance!

I take it you dont drive a car ...???

 

[Sharky]

Silence is golden.

Best way of venting anger after you've been subjected to a close pass is just to wag your finger from side to side, like you would scold a small child. It's highly unlikely that the speeding driver will see this in his mirror, but the drivers behind you will and usually they will give you a wide berth and hopefully will become better drivers in the future by seeing an example of unacceptable driving.

 

[Ian H]

"No offence - I'll buy you some L-plates."

 

[ColinJ]

"I say, sir/madam, your driving skills leave a lot to be desired!"

And your follow-up would be something along the lines of:

"... and is that a .44 Magnum that you are pointing at me, the most powerful handgun in the world, one which would blow my head clean off?"

Upon confirmation, followed rapidly by an apology and a promise not to get in their way again!

 

[Wixsteman]

Bawbag

 

[Drago]

The OP might wish to Google Kennth Noye or Sean Fitzgerald before delinerately doing anything to antagonise someone driving a large kinetic weapon.

I just voice the insults in my head. "Chump", "twunt", and "French fisherman!" are my favourites.

 

[Arrowfoot]

Mine for years was "A--hole" but I suspect this word itself a gave a buzz and provided closure. No other word seems to hit the spot.

 

[cycling_eejit]

Not sure how this will translate but this is one I've heard here in Ireland. . .

You think you can drive!?
You wouldn't drive your teeth into a sausage.

 

[Seevio]

If I'm sure that they can't hear me, I generally insinuate that they have something in common with Oedipus. Ok, maybe I use a shorter, snappier phrase.

 

[I like Skol]

The head shake is the most telling admonishment you can deliver (but under your breath utter something ryhming with anchor, beginning with W).

 

[Moodyman]

Say nothing.

Use your strong hand to control the bike, gently raise your weak hand off the bars and reach into your jersey pocket where you will find two fingers. Gently, take these out in a V formation and point at the offending motorist.

 

[steveindenmark]

There are no appropriate insults to shout at motorists. Why would you? Do you think they can hear you? I find the best thing to do is to keep quiet and forget about it and carry on riding. Often other motorists are looking for a reaction. Do not give it to them.