Appropriate insults to hurl at motorists

[Bollo]

The OP might wish to Google Kennth Noye or Sean Fitzgerald before delinerately doing anything to antagonise someone driving a large kinetic weapon.

I just voice the insults in my head. "Chump", "twunt", and "French fisherman!" are my favourites.

Even though it makes a bit of sick come up I have to go with Drago on this. My most recent encounter was triggered by nothing more than me shaking my head and ended with some old oil rig training coming in - always know where the exits are.

The other side of it is that losing one’s shoot rarely makes me feel better afterwards - just shaky and a bit embarrassed.

 

[fossyant]

Smile and wave, confuses the hell out of them

 

[Ridgeway]

If i'm in conversation distance after the incident i often just say, "well we're all entitled to make mistakes" with a smile of course, most offenders find it hard to admit that they had made a mistake and seem to get quite infuriated at the thought that they might of done something wrong.

Beyond that calling someone a "wixer" seems to work as well, wixer is Swiss German for the word I like Skol referred to.

PS: using alternative language insults is the way to go, in the main the offender often wonders what you've just said

 

[Sharky]

The OP might wish to Google Kennth Noye or Sean Fitzgerald before delinerately doing anything to antagonise someone driving a large kinetic weapon.

I just voice the insults in my head. "Chump", "twunt", and "French fisherman!" are my favourites.

Noye lived about 5 miles from us and I often cycle down the road where he lived. Quite a mansion! Also drive round the roundabout at Swanley frequently, where the incident happened, so often think about it.

 

[grldtnr]

Given that I was chased down and driven at by a very angry motorist for being so aggressive to lightly shrug at his almost lethally close pass (a 50mph pass within 2 feet), I'm now very careful indeed around car drivers. You never know how unhinged the driver will be, and some of them take apparent criticism VERY personally. My "crime" which prompted him to repeatedly reverse at me had literally been an upturned palm and a tilt of the head, like a mild kind of "Eh? Come on mate what was that?" gesture. Didn't swear, didn't do anything rude, just asked a question.
This guy was quite meek looking too, about early 70s, and yet quite prepared to use his car as a weapon for having his driving ability questioned.

The nice thing is that I know where he lives thanks to him having a wanky private vanity plate that was easy to remember, and I spotted his car some months later at his house, only about 2 miles from me. That one is in the bank for another day.

Thats what I would do.... don't get mad, get even.
Say I ,as casually load & cock a shotgun I DON'T have, then deflate their tyres.

 

[Kingfisher101]

None, the only loser will be you for winding yourself up. A lot of the time, they don't even know what they have done wrong because they cant even see properly or are away with the fairies.
Some lunatics will think nothing of just then running you down if there's been an altercation and wont even care if they get a prison sentence.

 

[cyberknight]

Waggling a little finger seems to aggrieve some men for some reason 🤔

I got called a cu.. the other day by requesting another cyclist to be careful, a large chap, unlit, who pulled out into the road in front of me. In fact I requested it twice having then seen his equally unlit young daughter do the same thing (she was obscured by his bulk). I pointed out that this was lovely language to use in front of a child…his next retort was silly woman
Don’t think he was going to win parent of the year any time soon

yeah i had a turnip about run me over then do the classic stop and scream abuse at me cus he wont be seen as taking abuse in front of the young kid in the back seat .............

 

[Ming the Merciless]

I am an oasis of calm and best medicine is not to react but also to assert your position on the road.

 

[ColinJ]

Noye lived about 5 miles from us and I often cycle down the road where he lived. Quite a mansion! Also drive round the roundabout at Swanley frequently, where the incident happened, so often think about it.

A cyclist was murdered by a lunatic motorist in Coventry, a couple of miles from where I grew up. There was contact between the cyclist and car which damaged the nearside mirror on the car and that was apparently considered a capital offence... The mad driver chased the cyclist up onto the pavement and deliberately crashed into him at speed. For once, the culprit actually DID get done for murder, and got life*** for it in 2010.


*** Hmm, so much for 'life' - I just checked - he is eligible to be considered for parole next year!

 

[Jenkins]

The head shake is the most telling admonishment you can deliver (but under your breath utter something ryhming with anchor, beginning with W).

This - the sort of slow head shake normally accompanied by a deep sigh of disappointment. If possible it is done after giving the driver a Paddington Bear 'hard stare' although as I'm normally wearing photochromic glasses, this doesn't have quite the required effect.

 

[Brooks]

I was cycling with two members of our group after a ride when we were constantly tooted at from a car behind, the close pass followed with an instant left hook into a dead end street. I was bloody livid and told the other two I'm following that car. They said don't but I had to tackle this ignorant git. The driver spotted we'd followed and stopped. I approached and asked what it was all about and got the usual crap about being two abreast. I told him it's ironic that a couple of fat no neck see you next Tuesday's are sitting two abreast themselves. He banged on about me being aggressive yet it was him using his car as a weapon. He then said he was going to get out the car and give me a good seeing too! 😀
Knowing bravado is a major weapon in situations like this I said " feel free as I've had harder shoots than him" and that did the trick, fat boy backed down, I told him I knew where he lived now and off we cycled.
Scary and also funny interaction that proves nothing and nobody is the winner in any situation like this. Pretty envious of all you calm people in all honesty.

 

[Deleted member 1258]

A cyclist was murdered by a lunatic motorist in Coventry, a couple of miles from where I grew up. There was contact between the cyclist and car which damaged the nearside mirror on the car and that was apparently considered a capital offence... The mad driver chased the cyclist up onto the pavement and deliberately crashed into him at speed. For once, the culprit actually DID get done for murder, and got life*** for it in 2010.


*** Hmm, so much for 'life' - I just checked - he is eligible to be considered for parole next year!

That was just round the corner from me.

 

[Jon George]

In the past, I have experimented with 'You myopic catatonic!' (with a slim hope that they'll look it up), but I'm afraid my usual response to a fight-or-flight incident is Brain Blessed volume exclamations. (Unintentional/mistake: 'Twonk!; Knowing: Ars$%^!; Knowing and uncaring: 'C***!) I've had drivers chase me down, but close up I've got broad shoulders, know how to deliver a firm Paddington Stare, and am prepared to explain in a calm way what has just occurred, my criterion for what I've just yelled, and hint at the possibilities of what might happen next. But, as someone else has mentioned, I am really envious of those who can shrug everything off, because I'm sure my instinctive reactions will be called out at some time - perhaps by them using their car as their weapon of choice.

BTW Adopting Primary and Secondary a few years back has reduced such incidents.

 

[iluvmybike]

OMG - I hope I never bump into some of you guys on here (not literally mind you!). Such aggression and anger

 

[ColinJ]

OMG - I hope I never bump into some of you guys on here (not literally mind you!). Such aggression and anger

The 'Flight or Fight' instinct kicking in!

Flight is obviously better, but I find it hard not to get aggressive when someone has been dangerously careless and/or aggressive towards me...

Here is one example, which could very easily have led to my death...

We set off down the descent. as promised, I warned everybody about it and told them to be careful. and then ignored my own advice ... So there I was, descending at 65 kph (41 mph), getting blown from side to side by gusting crosswinds, when a tosser in a black car decided that it was perfectly safe to overtake me! It is a narrow road and I was close to the centre of it to allow for lateral movements due to the wind. I couldn't hear anything except for wind noise blasting my ears so it was a complete shock to suddenly find a car a few inches from my right elbow!!!

This might not be the exact spot, but it is close. Imagine riding your bike down there at that speed, close to the centre of the road. Just how can it be safe to overtake?

You will have to ask @rusty bearing for his verdict. He was behind me some way back up the hill and witnessed it.

You were not exaggerating in the slightest young sir, in my view he tried to overtake when the road was not really wide enough to do so at the speed you were traveling. Besides, there was if I recall a bend coming up. There was also less space between the car and you than between the car and offside verge!
Frankly , as I said at the time, I'd have followed you and been seriously impressed that it's possible to go that fast on a bike and maintain control

It is a long, steep, straight descent. I was doing over 40 mph on the narrow road. I had looked over my shoulder before beginning the descent and no car was anywhere near me. The driver must have done 60-70 mph to catch me where he did and he was doing at least 50 mph when he passed me. I was in the most primary of primary positions - in the middle of the road, not the lane. The crosswinds were moving me +/- 2ft from that position so some of the time I was actually to the right of the centre of the road. The idiot behind the wheel would have been able to see exactly what I was doing as he chased me down but he STILL forced his way through. There was less than 1ft between the car and my right elbow and a similar distance between the car and the side of the road. He laughed off my super-primary and overtook anyway!