Appropriate insults to hurl at motorists

[alicat]

Use your strong hand to control the bike, gently raise your weak hand off the bars and reach into your jersey pocket where you will find two fingers. Gently, take these out in a V formation and point at the offending motorist.

That's what I do. It has a remarkable effect on following drivers, who tend to pass me wide and slow. I sometimes also shout 'Prat' as loud as I can.

 

[PeteXXX]

I'd go with the Monty Python insult..

'Your Mother Was A Hamster, And Your Father Smelt Of Elderberries'

 

[Deleted member 1258]

Its rare and unusual for me to react, its a waste of energy, if I do I just say have a nice day.

 

[ianrauk]

Giving the finger is far better than a shouted insult.

 

[hoopdriver]

&#@!£*% and @&?!$¥#% are the two I use most often

 

[cyberknight]

blow them a kiss , you might get lucky

 

[CanucksTraveller]

Given that I was chased down and driven at by a very angry motorist for being so aggressive to lightly shrug at his almost lethally close pass (a 50mph pass within 2 feet), I'm now very careful indeed around car drivers. You never know how unhinged the driver will be, and some of them take apparent criticism VERY personally. My "crime" which prompted him to repeatedly reverse at me had literally been an upturned palm and a tilt of the head, like a mild kind of "Eh? Come on mate what was that?" gesture. Didn't swear, didn't do anything rude, just asked a question.
This guy was quite meek looking too, about early 70s, and yet quite prepared to use his car as a weapon for having his driving ability questioned.

The nice thing is that I know where he lives thanks to him having a wanky private vanity plate that was easy to remember, and I spotted his car some months later at his house, only about 2 miles from me. That one is in the bank for another day.

 

[Dayvo]

If they’re in earshot.

‘Oh, you’re in a hurry, are you? Well, you should have got up earlier then, shouldn’t you!’

 

[Chief Broom]

As has been said being reactive is a waste of breath and could rattle the cage of some neanderthal..... Trouble is at moments like this spontaneity will have its way...i once called someone a fffing ***t in a supermarket for blocking an aisle whilst having a chat.... Anyhow i generally do an exaggerated shake of the head as that doesnt fan the flames of reactivity in my own mind but rather puts things in perspective ie a significant proportion of the human race are a'.holes

 

[davidphilips]

Best insult and perhaps the only one that may make a driver think again before repeating the same thing again or worse as has been said finding yourself in a confrontation that can only result in making a bad situation worse is to report the driver and have the police turning up at his door.
CCTV or a witness would be great and i know chances are no action would be taken but i would rather report 100 drivers and have action taken against one that risk ruining 100 days due to bad drivers.

 

[Blue Hills]

Silence is golden.

Best way of venting anger after you've been subjected to a close pass is just to wag your finger from side to side, like you would scold a small child. It's highly unlikely that the speeding driver will see this in his mirror, but the drivers behind you will and usually they will give you a wide berth and hopefully will become better drivers in the future by seeing an example of unacceptable driving.

I do try to take the calmer approach these days (don't always succeed) but will try to do this more. i do quite often shake my head at drivers contemplating something daft - ie pulling out of a side road in front of me. Sometimes accompanied by a speeding/accelerating wobble.

 

[ebikeerwidnes]

The problem with any expressions of disgust etc is that they can;t hear you and any hand gestures would only be seen if they look in their mirror
and I would presume the vast majority of 'those sort of drivers' are the sort that seldom actually look in their mirror.

The comments about a gesture being seen by drivers still behind are interesting and probably the most relevant.
However, was it the gesture the cyclists made - or seeing the offence themselves in the first place making them think?
or both

 

[vickster]

Waggling a little finger seems to aggrieve some men for some reason 🤔

I got called a cu.. the other day by requesting another cyclist to be careful, a large chap, unlit, who pulled out into the road in front of me. In fact I requested it twice having then seen his equally unlit young daughter do the same thing (she was obscured by his bulk). I pointed out that this was lovely language to use in front of a child…his next retort was silly woman
Don’t think he was going to win parent of the year any time soon

 

[cyberknight]

Given that I was chased down and driven at by a very angry motorist for being so aggressive to lightly shrug at his almost lethally close pass (a 50mph pass within 2 feet), I'm now very careful indeed around car drivers. You never know how unhinged the driver will be, and some of them take apparent criticism VERY personally. My "crime" which prompted him to repeatedly reverse at me had literally been an upturned palm and a tilt of the head, like a mild kind of "Eh? Come on mate what was that?" gesture. Didn't swear, didn't do anything rude, just asked a question.
This guy was quite meek looking too, about early 70s, and yet quite prepared to use his car as a weapon for having his driving ability questioned.

The nice thing is that I know where he lives thanks to him having a wanky private vanity plate that was easy to remember, and I spotted his car some months later at his house, only about 2 miles from me. That one is in the bank for another day.

yeah had that all i did was raise a hand as the guy cut me up to pull in his drive and then chased me down the road and he was a big chap , its amazing though how many descent into homophobic allegations when there logic and threats dont work

 

[C R]

Given that I was chased down and driven at by a very angry motorist for being so aggressive to lightly shrug at his almost lethally close pass (a 50mph pass within 2 feet), I'm now very careful indeed around car drivers. You never know how unhinged the driver will be, and some of them take apparent criticism VERY personally. My "crime" which prompted him to repeatedly reverse at me had literally been an upturned palm and a tilt of the head, like a mild kind of "Eh? Come on mate what was that?" gesture. Didn't swear, didn't do anything rude, just asked a question.
This guy was quite meek looking too, about early 70s, and yet quite prepared to use his car as a weapon for having his driving ability questioned.

The nice thing is that I know where he lives thanks to him having a wanky private vanity plate that was easy to remember, and I spotted his car some months later at his house, only about 2 miles from me. That one is in the bank for another day.

I had a similar one last June. He was coming out of a road on my left without looking properly, so I shouted out to get him to see me, he stopped, I swerved around and an accident was avoided. Five minutes later I heard a car accelerating hard behind me, it overtook, swerved in and slammed the brakes. I somehow managed to swerve around to avoid crashing into it, but as I was going past the drivers door he opened it and I got caught and hit the deck. He shouted a bit at me because I had startled him earlier, and then buggered off. Luckily there was no real damage to me or the bike, and there were witnesses, so he's been taken to court for careless driving (should have been dangerous, but hey ho), failing to stop and failing to report an accident.

To this day, I don't know what I could have done differently, if I hadn't shouted out, I would have run onto his car, and the accident would have been much more serious.