Are you going to go and see Fifty Shades of Grey?

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Saluki

World class procrastinator
Haven't even read the book.

BookS apparently.

3 of them. I was loaned them by one of my dog grooming clients. A lot of tosh and not terribly well written tosh either. I skimmed through the descriptions of sex as it was getting very samey. After the first chapter of book 2, I was thinking "oh, not again". If you took out all the sex scenes in the 3 books, there was enough plot to fill 2/3s of a book, maybe.
Not bothering with the film. Waste of 2 hours when I could be out on my bike.
 

compo

Veteran
Location
Harlow
'An Ode to Fifty Shades of Grey'

The missus bought a Paperback
down Shepton, Saturday,
I had a look in her bag;
...T’was “Fifty Shades of Grey”.

Well I just left her to it,
...At ten I went to bed.
An hour later she appeared;
The sight filled me with dread…

In her left hand she held a rope;
And in her right a whip!
She threw them down on the floor,
And then began to strip.

Well fifty years or so ago;
I might have had a peek;
But Mabel hasn’t weathered well;
She’s eighty four next week.

Watching Mabel bump and grind;
Could not have been much grimmer.
Things then went from bad to worse;
She toppled off her Zimmer!

She struggled up upon her feet;
A couple minutes later;
She put her teeth back in and said...
I must dominate her!!

Now if you knew our Mabel,
You’d see just why I spluttered,
I’d spent two months in traction
For the last complaint I’d muttered.

She stood there nude, naked like;
Bent forward just a bit ….
I thought oh well, what the hell,
and stood on her left tit!

Mabel screamed, her teeth shot out;
My god what had I done!?
She moaned and groaned then shouted out:
“Step on the other one!”

Well readers, I can’t tell no more;
About what occurred that day.
Suffice to say my jet black hair,
Turned fifty shades of Grey.
 

Hyslop

Veteran
Location
Carlisle
Apparently staff at B&Q have been notified about people enquiring about buying 'unusual purchases' such as rope and cable ties.
:laugh::laugh: A lot of the staff in our B&Q are middle aged and some seem a bit timid,I cant see them giving you a knowing wink,more likely to run away screaming.Should it prove popular,I imagine M&S will bring out some"collection" to satisfy overwhelming public demand,though what could be more bizarre than some of the stuff they currently sell I dont know.What seems certain is that Mr Whippy will never have a better opportunity for secondary sales!
 

raleighnut

Legendary Member
:laugh::laugh: A lot of the staff in our B&Q are middle aged and some seem a bit timid,I cant see them giving you a knowing wink,more likely to run away screaming.Should it prove popular,I imagine M&S will bring out some"collection" to satisfy overwhelming public demand,though what could be more bizarre than some of the stuff they currently sell I dont know.What seems certain is that Mr Whippy will never have a better opportunity for secondary sales!
Its the quiet ones you have to watch out for. :laugh:
 

Gravity Aided

Legendary Member
Location
Land of Lincoln
All I ever needed to know I learned in kindergarten. ...

Who would have thought then that a spanking from a stylish lady in heels would be viewed as a positive result?
 

Diggs

Veteran
I started reading one on holiday a couple of years ago (in truth I think I was trying to drag out David Millar's book as I was haring through it). As
@Saluki has mentioned, it was so poorly written I just gave up. If we can draw any positives from this, I guess that there won't be anyone complaining the film has totally ruined the book.
 

ScotiaLass

Guru
Location
Middle Earth
No.
I haven't read the books so have no intention of seeing the movie.
 

snorri

Legendary Member
I wouldn't have thought anything of it if I hadn't read this thread in the morning, but I couldn't resist a little smile to myself this afternoon after my weekly grocery shopping as I scoured the miscellaneous trays at Lidl and noticed they had the biggest range of cable ties I've ever seen. Right next to them were coils of pretty multi coloured braided rope in various lengths:whistle:.
I'd always thought the items in these trays were randomly placed but now realise someone puts a bit of thought into it:biggrin:.
 
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